


What Did You Bury?

by readytobebolder, RebornFromSeas



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Awkward Sexual Situations, Awkward Tension, Bandit attack, Bathing/Washing, Caleb finds out about Kylre, Caleb stops denying that he has interest, Caleb tries to leave, Caleb tries to leave a second time, Consent Issues, Dancing, Disrespected boundaries, Dyslexic Mollymauk Tealeaf, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Manipulation, First Date, First Kiss, Increasing failure to communicate, Kidnapping, Love Confessions, M/M, Masturbation, Miscommunication, Mollymauk finally gets the Talk, Near Death, Nonverbal Communication, Nudity, Rejection, Reluctant caring, Temporarily Unrequited Love, They talk things out, born buried, emotional blackmail
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-17
Updated: 2018-11-21
Packaged: 2019-08-03 12:35:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 35,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16326353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/readytobebolder/pseuds/readytobebolder, https://archiveofourown.org/users/RebornFromSeas/pseuds/RebornFromSeas
Summary: Caleb Widogast is three years out of the asylum when he found the ritual site. He was there only scant hours before the tiefling emmerges from the ground and changed his life.Mollymauk Tealeaf fell in love with the moon at first sight. They only wish they hadn't done the same with the first person.-Or-Caleb finds Mollymauk and the circus two years before the start of the show





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to @AbeTheDad for beta work.  
> This will update every Wednesday.

The site was odd, arcane circles surrounding what was likely only a barren slab even a week before, now covered in forest detritus. Ten feet away there was something resembling a shallow grave. Caleb had been avoiding that section since he had spotted it, instead examining the circles and trying to piece together the purpose of the ritual cast from the evidence that remained. There had been certain ones – the ones that had called to him and made him look further – that indicated it had been used to resurrect someone, or…no, he wasn’t certain. Many of the symbols had been altered, some scratched out. Someone had tried to destroy the evidence here. It was frustrating, immensely so. He’d been here for hours as it was. Still, he didn't want to give up, not while the full moon gave him perfect sight of the ritual and grave site. So he unfurled his bedroll, lit a fire to warm up and sat down to look at his books and see if there was anything in them that could help him out.

Caleb had set up on the edge of the circle closest to the grave, certain that after being there so long it would be safe. He was part-way through one of the books when the ground shifted beside him. And there was a sound -- a frantic sort of scream, muffled, unearthly, and more shifting dirt.

His first instinct should have been to back away and call fire to his hands; instead, he was plunging them into the soft earth and pulling it away. Digging out what was beneath -- who was beneath, he mentally amended as his hand brushed against someone’s skin, soft skin that looked almost a pale blue in the moonlight as he dug the figure out. The figure who was now coughing, sitting up slightly and nearly naked except for something rough and homespun that hung in an odd shape around their head. Hands grasped his arms, there were heaving breaths and suddenly the person’s eyes opened and Caleb’s heart stopped for a moment, his first thought being a demon. A tail unfurled from the dirt, the hood fell back, revealing horns and hair shaved close to the scalp. And Caleb saw better now, saw purple skin, not blue. A tiefling.

The creature made a panicked noise, eyes wide, looking at Caleb before backing away quickly, slamming their head into a tree and crying out, whimpering, looking around, scared, confused.

Caleb sucked in a sharp breath, and held up both his hands and spread them wide. “Shh, shhh, It is -- please, it is alright now. You are out of the ground, you are alive, ja?” Alive, they were alive after spending who knows how long buried in the earth. “Please, please be still.” What was Caleb going to do with this person? The nearest town would likely reject them, but there was a circus set up even closer. Perhaps they would be willing to care for this lost soul. “Please. May I touch you?”

They made a panicked noise, looking everywhere as if searching for something, their hands held in front of their face protectively before they suddenly looked up and --

And they froze.

Eyes red, red, red looked up at the moon in the night sky, their lips parting to let out a single, soft breath. They said nothing but they looked mesmerized, eyes so wide it must've hurt. 

It’s as if they this is their first time seeing the moons and stars, Caleb thought, then felt a bolt of realization. That was exactly what must be happening. He grimaced. Softly, so softly, he began speaking to them as if they were a newborn kitten, sparing only a quick glance to the sky to find out if only one or both moons were visible. “Ah, that is a moon, there are two, you know. And the other lights? Those are stars. I can show you more.” He looked away from them slightly and held out a hand.

Like with a cat, he thought and hoped. If he could guide this person through the forest, to the soft hills where the circus was set up, if they could get that far, then perhaps this person would be taken in, sheltered by them. The harder part would be coaxing them closer.

The tiefling did not take his hand though; their eyes still stared at the sky as a soft little smile graced their features. Moonlight surrounded them, almost as if greeting the tiefling, and the tiefling's face spoke of wonder on par with meeting a goddess, almost as if the light on their face was the Moonweaver's own hands cupping their face. The tiefling started to lean into him, however, and Caleb shook off such fanciful thoughts as they opened their eyes again. A moment later one of their taloned hands was slipped into Caleb's. Their temperature was high. Hot. He'd heard that about tieflings but he had no idea what it would feel like.

The tiefling attempted to stand up when Caleb did, but their legs quickly buckled underneath them and they fell forward towards Caleb, crying out, making a noise like a scared kitten.

Caleb stepped closer to the tiefling – they were taller than him, which felt awkward but allowed Caleb to fit his shoulders under their arm and offer some support. Walking slowly would be the key to this. He’d have to get them used to walking first. He guided them one step at a time around the clearing until their unsteady legs could support them without leaning so heavily on Caleb.

Little by little, over the next hour, the tiefling began to walk by themselves but whenever Caleb tried to pull away, they would hold onto his arm with sharp talons, whimpering and whining. He was reminded of the patients he’d shared space with, back then, and tried to think about what he used to do to discourage them from being clingy.

“Alright, now, try to walk by yourself,” Caleb grasped their wrist and tried to pry it off of him but the tiefling shook their head. “Come on, now, I’m sure you--”

“Empty.”

Their voice was raspy, raw, unused. Caleb swallowed as he heard it, releasing their wrist in surprise, watching the tiefling move closer to him, yet not attempting to embrace him or anything. They just stood close, head bowed, eyes closed as they whispered again. “Empty, empty, empty.”

“Ah, ja, okay then,” Caleb muttered to himself, more than the other. This was not what he’d been hoping for. He’d just have to deal with the close guidance, perhaps? He tried one last time, not so much to remove the hand entirely but to shift it from his forearm to his hand. “Please, please let me change where your hand is. The talons dig in my skin. Please?” He put a whine into his voice, made it seem like he was in pain -- he wasn’t sure it would work, but perhaps, it would. Holding hands would be better than the tight grip on his forearm though, surely.

Their hand fell into his quickly in a tight but not crushing grip, keeping their talons away. They also raised their other hand and inspected their claws, poking them into the palm of their hand, jumping when a drop of blood came out. They made a noise of surprise, looking at Caleb with wide eyes, questioning, looking for answers.

Caleb winced, “Ja, that will happen, they are sharp. That is why they hurt me. Be careful with them yourself.” He chewed his lower lip, then decided that the impulse to kiss the wound would be too childish – the tiefling was clearly an adult, even if the lack of memories meant they behaved with childish wonder and curiosity.

In some aspects, their behavior made the walk out of the forest with them in tow much easier: Caleb could point out something ahead, and the tiefling would speed up to look at it, and Caleb could talk, tell some story, that would enrapture the tiefling enough that they would wander slowly beside him until Caleb fell silent. Mostly, the tiefling looked at the moon, mesmerized by its glow and size, often slowing down and stopping until Caleb pulled on their hand to make them walk.

It was a long trek through the woods to where he thought the circus had settled. Caleb sighed with relief when he saw the multiple torch lights through the thick foliage. The tiefling made an inquisitive noise as they both exited the woods and then a startled and confused one when they saw the circus, hiding behind Caleb quickly. 

“Nein, none of that now. They are--” Caleb trailed off, still tugging the tiefling along, uncertain if the circus would actually be good people. Surely, if nothing else, they’d be better than him. Yes, that was probably true. And it was a circus, they’d find some use for a tiefling with no memories. It would be a fine place to leave him so he could go back to the grave site and study it more. “They should help us, ja? Come on. A bed -- do you know what a bed is? It will be warm and soft.”

“Empty,” they rasped, sniffling, shaking a little in the cold. “Empty, empty.”

The tiefling kept pressing themselves against him, tight and uncomfortable, and it was only then that Caleb realized that they must be freezing.

“Ja, okay…” Caleb sighed, and allowed it, even if it made him uncomfortable. They were almost there anyway. Caleb cautiously increased his pace, and looked around for any of the staff on watch, if one of the carnival people was there. He spotted someone, large and… well, they were large. They would do. “Hallo? Can I -- can we have help?”

“What? Who?” The figure stepped forward and raised a lantern to get a better look at the two of them. Caleb noted, almost absently, that the man was a half-orc with a handlebar mustache. “Who are you?”

Caleb nodded, relieved that there was no immediate distrust, just reasonable caution. “I am Caleb Widogast. I found this one in the woods, they have not said anything but ‘empty’ since and I suspect they’ve lost their memories. We could use some help, please.”

The Circus member grunted slightly. “I’m Bosun. I need to get Gustav, you stay right here.”

“Ja, we will.” And then Bosun left, heading for a small tent.

The tiefling cowered behind Caleb as they waited, talons carefully but tightly wrapped around his hand, their posture becoming worse and worse until they attempted to make a ball of themselves on the ground, whimpering.

“None of that now,” Caleb said hastily, sighing, rubbing the bridge of his nose. “Come on up, you'll be okay here with--”

“Empty,” they cried. “Empty!”

“Ja, ja, I am not leaving you alone here tonight. I want a warm bed as well. Okay? Come on, up.” Caleb carefully gripped the tiefling’s elbows and tried to lift them, but rapidly realized that it wouldn’t be happening without their cooperation. So he sat down beside them instead. “I suppose this is just what we are doing.” 

It was maybe after another minute on the ground before Bosun started leading someone towards them. They had long hair, down to the middle of their back, and a lanky physique. Caleb watched and noted as they finally got close enough, that they were a half-elf.  
“Hallo. I am sorry for disturbing you so late.”

The half-elf waved him off. “It’s not a problem. I’m Gustav Fletching, Bosun filled me in. What can I provide for you?”

“A place to sleep for the night would be welcome. Und…I cannot care for another on my own journey. But leaving them alone without proper clothes even…I figured leading them here was the least I could do.”

“Well, let me see,” he hummed, moving forward, and the tiefling shut their eyes tightly as the man gently inspected them.

Caleb waited as patiently as he could, watching the half-elf prod and poke at the tiefling who seemed extremely scared of everything -- except Caleb.

After a few minutes, Gustav took off his coat and wrapped it around them, making them relax slowly, their hand moving to wrap around the fabric of the coat. They sniffed it.

Caleb sighed with something like relief when he saw the tiefling relax even that little bit. It was the first sign that he really might be able to just leave them here. “I don’t know if you have another bed available? I do not think this one will be pleased if we separate.” And partly to demonstrate, partly because he is weary and very much wants a bed if one can be found, Caleb stands.

“Empty,” the tiefling murmured as Gustav nodded and led them to a few tents at the back of the camp.

The unburied stranger grasped Caleb's hand again and pressed close, even though they now had a coat. They hid their face against the back of Caleb's shoulder, talons delicately touching the back of his hand.

“This one is abandoned now. We, uh...had a few people leave.” Gustav rubbed the back of his head and opened the flap of the tent. “There are bedrolls and it's shielded from the cold. I hope you two can sleep well.”

“Ja, it will be nice. I have not had a tent in a while. Thank you. I hope you can find sleep again.” Caleb guided the tiefling into the tent. He found two bed rolls, not set up, and bent to do so, laying them side by side after a moment of thought. 

Caleb looked up at the tiefling. “Lay here, okay? And I will lay on this one.” And then he did so, steeling himself a little, expecting the tiefling to cling in his sleep.

The tiefling hesitated as they looked around the tent, poking at it, at the bedrolls, at basically anything that was in their way until they knelt on the bedroll and wiggled a little, surprised at the comfort of it.

“Empty,” they muttered as they ran their hands over one of the blankets left inside the tent. Red eyes find Caleb's and they lean forward suddenly, almost touching noses with him.

“Ah. That is, Nein, too close.” Caleb flinched back, then scooted further up the bedroll. There, now the tiefling’s face was level with his chest and that was, that would be fine. Caleb tucked one of his arms under his head, then, as an afterthought, slung the other arm over the tiefling’s shoulder to keep them lower. And with that, Caleb let his mind slip into unconsciousness. 

The tiefling froze inside the grip, eyes wide. For a moment, they looked at the arm around their shoulder, then at the human, talons lifted to touch his face. They pulled it back before they could touch him though, and with one last thought they closed their eyes and rested their head on his chest.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first morning at the circus doesn't go as Caleb hoped

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations at the end

Caleb awoke not to the sun or his internal clock but to someone touching his face. 

His hand snapped out to wrap around a thin wrist and heard a sound of surprise and distress in response. It was familiar, from the night before, and he realized it was the amnesiac he'd picked up the previous night. Right. The tiefling. Touching his face.

Caleb loosened his grip and moved the hand away. It was earlier than he had hoped. He yawned, blinked at the tiefling sleepily, then rolled over. The tiefling was free to look around if they wanted, but Caleb personally wanted another hour of sleep before he found out what he owed the circus, and retrieved his own bedroll which…was still at the gravesite, likely. He would have to hike back. Not the most lovely thought to have this early.

The tiefling didn't care about his turned body or the asocial vibe he was giving off and poked him on the shoulder before resting their forehead there, trying to curl up into his back. Caleb sighed, at this point annoyed.

“Look, you can go out and--” he froze as he saw the tears on their red eyes, wet tracks running along their cheeks. The tiefling sniffled. “Oh…nightmare?” Caleb felt something uncomfortable squirm through him -- pity or sympathy, one of the two. He was too familiar with nightmares himself to not feel cruel if he turned the tiefling away. 

“Empty,” they said, this time more quiet than ever, squirming on the bedroll with another sniffle. Their talons played with it nervously and Caleb frowned, wondering what was wrong this time. “Empty.”

“What do you mean?” He asked tiredly, sitting up. “Please, speak. Surely you know more than one word--”

Again, Caleb was cut off, but this time by the atrocious sound of the tiefling’s stomach. It made the tiefling whine and wrap their arms around their midsection. 

“You're hungry -- of course, you are, you spent gods know how long inside that grave.” Caleb groaned, then stood. “Come now, let’s see if anyone has started cooking food.” He offered a hand to the tiefling.

They took it and scrambled up to their feet. Caleb let go, but the tiefling refused to. Caleb huffed, but lead him out into the early morning air -- gods the sun was barely starting to lighten the sky and hadn’t yet crested the horizon. Thankfully, his nose guided him well. Someone had started cooking, and the wizard led the tiefling over. Gustav was at the fire, along with two halflings that looked remarkably alike and a dark-skinned woman with short hair, who was stirring the pot. She argued with Gustav. “You can’t just invite two strangers to join just because they’re begging for a bed and they say one doesn’t have memories!”

“Empty,” the tiefling whined aloud, and when the woman turned Caleb saw her eyes widen and empathy shine through immediately, even as her mouth set in a firm line.

“Oh, well now, if you’re the two I’ve been told about maybe I can understand.” She eyed them both, then stepped forward and attempted to wrap an arm around the tiefling’s shoulder but they panicked and hid within Caleb's coat.

Caleb sighed. “Nein. None of that. Come, she just wants to feed you.” He steered the tiefling to the fire and encouraged him to sit on a log, only to rather immediately be handed a bowl of porridge and have a second bowl thrust at the tiefling. Caleb looked at the food, then cautiously accepted it. “Thank you.” He gave the woman a weak smile, and picked up the spoon and started eating.

“I’m Ornna, by the way.”

“Ja. Thank you, Ornna. I am Caleb Widogast.”

Gustav nodded and spoke, “Well, I think we’ll be needing to get some papers in order for our friend here. Any preferences on a name?”

Their head lifted up from the porridge as everyone stared at them, red eyes apprehensive, talons quickly moving to Caleb’s coat and getting closer as a means of protection, whining when someone stepped a bit closer to them.

Caleb gave a sigh, patting their back awkwardly, “They’ve only been saying empty, the whole time. I think they understand most of what we say but not fully.”

“Empty, huh?” Gustav rubbed his chin, observing the tiefling as they curled up into the human and looked at the bowl of porridge they’d been given before sticking their entire face into it. Everyone laughed, watching the human hurriedly pull their face away and try and clean it all up as the tiefling licked their lips happily, much as a child would. “Em, tee…”

“Use the spoon, ja? Like this,” Caleb tried to place their fingers on the spoon but the tiefling took it as an invitation to hold hands. Caleb sighed as they grinned, talons holding his fingers firmly. “You’re -- you’re a piece of work.”

“They seem to like you.” Ornna cocked an eyebrow at the human.

“Yeah, they do,” Caleb sighed. “Perhaps too much,” he murmured as he watched the tiefling touch around their face and catch bits of porridge, making a young little dwarven girl joining them off to the side giggle into her hands. He sighed, balanced his bowl on his lap, and hurriedly ate it. He was not going to sit and let the tiefling eat porridge like a dog.

“They’re funny,” the dwarven girl said softly, her voice raspy and low for someone her age and size. The tiefling’s tail twitched at that and they turned to her with a curious look, everyone watching as porridge fell from their chin to their lap, making the dwarf giggle again. The tiefling giggled as well. “What’s your name?”

The tiefling cocked their head, frowning, looking over at Caleb and pressing up against him again. Caleb was getting tired of it. “They do not know, they’ve amnesia,” Caleb explained. “At least that’s the current theory.”

“Empty,” they whisper, looking over at the dwarven girl.

Gustav nodded, “Well, let’s get them one, then. Initials M.T., I think. They’re saying the word, but we can bluff our way a bit easier if they answer that to anyone asking for their name.”

The dwarven girl beamed. “They’re pretty, can we give them a pretty name too? Molly! Molly would be pretty!”

Caleb hummed, hardly paying attention as he finished his own porridge, set the bowl aside and picked up the teifling’s spoon to feed them. He frowned, muttering in Zemnian the entire time. “Ja, ich sehe schon es musste sein, dass du ausgerechnet wie ein Hund isst. Wenn du schon keinen Löffel benutzen kannst, hättest du wenigstens wie eine Katze essen können. Das wäre niedlich gewesen. Weniger ungesittet. Sieh dich jetzt mal an. Jemand wird dich sauber machen müssen, denn ich bezweifle, dass du weißt wie das geht. Und dieser Jemand werde ich sein, da du niemanden sonst an dich heran lässt.”

And then all of the tiefling’s porridge was eaten. Caleb looked at them, then asked in Common, “Are you still empty?”

“Empty,” they replied, eyes lifting up as if Caleb for once had spoken their language. But when they picked his hand and brought it to their body, they didn’t press it to their stomach -- they pressed it to their chest, right above their heart, which was frantically beating. “Empty,” they whispered, squeezing his hand.

“Are they empty in their heart?” the little girl asked, looking slightly distraught. Nobody dared to answer as Caleb awkwardly pulled his hand away and stood, trying to get away from everyone’s gaze.

“Is there -- is there somewhere to clean them up? Since they’re...” He gestured to the tiefling’s porridge all over them.

“Ah, well, we use the stream nearby?” Gustav winced. “Not the best but you can definitely get some work done on them. Let me see if I’ve any clothes that might fit them -- you want masculine or feminine?” he asked the tiefling but they weren’t paying any attention at all, watching Caleb, standing up alongside him. “We’ll go for neutral,” he mumbled.

Caleb gave a stiff nod then offered a hand up to the tiefling with a sigh. They took it and stood, and Caleb thought a moment. He’d seen the stream the day before. Caleb started heading south, the tiefling in tow. When they got there, he took Gustav’s coat off of the purple tiefling but left the homespun robe to hang off their shoulders, which was fine at first. But, as he took the nicer coat off of the tiefling, they spun around and clung suddenly to Caleb, and tried to tuck their own head under Caleb’s. “Nein, no, please. You are here to get clean, not get me messy. There, in the stream.” The tiefling pulled off and looked at the stream indicated.

Caleb looked at them for a moment, chewing on his lower lip, weighing the options he had as the tiefling looked over at the stream. It wasn’t very deep, but the mud made it slippery on the side. Unfortunately, the tiefling seemed to want to play in the stream and had gone to it immediately. They yelped as they slipped and fell to the ground on their ass, whimpering. 

Caleb sighed. “You know, you’re like a baby,” he mumbled, finally taking off their robe. “A big, clumsy, purple baby--”

Oh.

Oh.

The tiefling looked up at his face, eyes wide as they -- they? Should he -- fuck, Caleb’s face was red as he looked away, wringing the robe with his hands as the tiefling kept staring. Because they had -- he had -- no, they didn’t have the…the bits he’d been expecting. Not for someone so pretty. Not for someone with eyelashes like theirs. Not for someone who curled up into him with desperation. And perhaps he was old fashioned but--

Ah, scheisse. 

Caleb would need to tell Gustav, he supposed, as awkward and horrible as it would be, but first, they both had to get some semblance of clean. Caleb, with his face burning red, hung the rough robe up, then shed his lambskin coat and hung it nearby, followed by the leather straps that currently held his sole spellbook. He would not get that wet, as he dealt with the sticky porridge. He absolutely would not. And then he looked at his shirt. It was fine enough he wasn’t – he did not want to know how far his blushing went. 

Caleb paused and looked up at the tiefling in the stream. He, they, it would be they until they could speak and say otherwise. They were splashing idly in the water but kept looking over to Caleb to watch him. That was...Caleb did not want to think too closely on that. His shirt would stay on.

He took off his boots and socks, and his other socks then rolled up his pant legs and waded into the stream with care not to slip and sat on a large dry stone in the middle. “Come here, now. Let me get you clean.” Soap would make this easier, but at least they were cooperating. Caleb took the stream water in his hand and started scrubbing at the tiefling’s face. 

They whined at the rough treatment of Caleb’s calloused hands to their face but Caleb murmured in Zemnian reassurances until they finally relaxed in his grip, their tail moving to wrap around his upper arm. He sighed at the motion. 

They splashed, and water hit his chest. “None of that!” Caleb tried to keep his voice low and soothing, despite the shock of cold water soaking through his shirt. The tiefling’s hands froze where they were reaching for his face.

A second passed.

Caleb put together that the tiefling hadn't strictly meant mischief, but not before those lavender hands were cupping his face and scrubbing his beard. They did so with more care than Caleb had shown them. Likely because they were already remembering -- maybe learning? -- the pain that their claws could cause. 

Caleb whimpered and eased back, the touch making his skin crawl regardless of the care. The tiefling frowned, but slowly stopped and blinked at him. He swallowed then said, “It is...like last night, ja? I do not like faces, things, people in my face. Not just you, in general.” 

The tiefling...there was no word for it but to say they pouted, then sank back into the water, one of their hands on Caleb's hand, the other draping across his thigh to land--

Caleb yelped and scooted back on the rock. The tiefling's hand hadn't actually landed on his crotch, hadn't hurt him but it was too close, too warm. “Nein! Ah!! Ah!” Caleb sputtered, floundered, utterly lost for the words but knowing this was important. Not knowing it could expose the tiefling to, or, worse, allow them to unwittingly commit evils that even -- Caleb's thoughts danced away from those memories, and he breathed deep. “There are certain places on bodies that are sensitive. That touching is an invitation for things I do not think you remember or would understand, ja? Do not -- ah, perhaps -- until you understand those things, somewhat, perhaps do not touch people with your hands in this region?” And Caleb circled his hand over his crotch and upper thighs.

He had no idea if they understood.

The tiefling kept looking at him with a frown, talons in front of their chest before slowly wrapping their arms around themselves. They looked at the water and finally nodded, meaning they’d understood Caleb, at least. That was good.

What wasn’t good was the fact that the tiefling started being difficult. He’d try and reach for their head to wash the little hair they had and they would slap his hand away, turning to give him their back. Right. Now the purple tiefling was angry at him. Great.

The lack of contact was almost a relief, but it felt too much like he had punished them. He sighed, then started to ramble, “I do not mind so much, the hands, or you leaning on my knee when I'm sitting on something. But the ah, the wandering, it’s just too much. It makes me, ah...anxious. Like scared, only not so much, and constant, without an obvious source. I think..that is how you feel without it? Ja? Nein? I am sorry, we are not very…we do not fit like that, not easily.”

He breathed in again, then said, “If you lean on my knee, I will stroke your hair? I think that will be soothing for both of us.”

They blinked at him, still pouty, and for a moment Caleb just wanted to slip off the stone and sink into the water and not think about responsibilities and the absolute hell in which he’d landed, taking care of someone with no boundaries.

“Come here,” he sighed, grasping their wrist softly, guiding them to his knee and stroking through their short hair, making them melt immediately. “Ah, so you actually are like a cat, huh?”

They sighed, eyes closing, their talons gripping onto his calf gently as he ran water and fingers through their scalp. Then he noticed a familiar vibration from their chest where it was pressed against his leg. Oh. Oh, he didn’t know -- he hadn’t met many tieflings but he didn’t know they could…they could purr.

This was even better than he thought it would be. “Weißt du, wann immer ich mich hinsetze, ist es nicht notwendig zu fragen, kannst du dich einfach an mich anlehnen. Und ich werde dein sehr weiches Haar streichen, in Ordnung? Das ist gut.” Caleb could feel himself relaxing nearly as much as the tiefling was. He hummed and closed his eyes.

“If the water gets too cold, maybe tap my knee three times?”

They squinted and cocked their head, tail swishing behind them, and Caleb sighed before tapping his knee three times, taking some time before the tiefling finally learned. Apparently, though, they were ridiculously comfortable being naked in a stream with Caleb touching their hair, since they didn’t tap it until it was nearly noon.

“You’re all wrinkly now,” Caleb murmured, trying to dry them -- an impossible feat when they were distracted by anything, including the little bee that was fluttering around them. “Stay still, come on, you can -- careful, don’t slip!” He grasped their waist to steady them as they almost fell on their ass again. Something about the way their hips fit into his hands felt right. A blanket of satisfaction, warm and hot, wrapped around his mind. The tiefling froze. Caleb blushed and realized suddenly what that feeling was. “Götter was mache ich – Du kannst dich nicht erinnern, oder wenn doch, kannst du zumindest nicht sprechen. Du kannst nicht sagen – Du kannst es nicht und ich bin der Einzige dem du vertraust, also muss ich besser tun, als diese – diese Gelüste!” he mumbled to himself.

He eventually managed to dress and bring the tiefling back to the circus, where everyone was sitting by the tents and spreading lunch and laughter. The dark-skinned woman, Ornna, called him over as the two approached, the tiefling’s hand perpetually on Caleb’s elbow.

Caleb started walking over, guiding the tiefling as he did. “Hallo.” He was cautious as he said it.

Ornna nodded, “I helped get some clothes together for our friend, here. They can choose what they like. We’re still thinking Molly as a first name.”

“Oh, ja, about that… I um, I suspect a more masculine name might be more believable to the Crownsguard if it comes to that?”

Ornna’s eyes widened. “I...well then. The two of you can sort through the clothes for what fits, and I’ll pass that on.”

“Ja, thank you,” he mumbled, taking the clothes and moving to their tent, sighing as he realized he would have to put on the tiefling’s clothes as well. “Well, seems like you've got a name. Molly? You like Molly?”

The tiefling’s eyes snapped to his and, for the very first time, he saw a wide smile, talons moving to grab his hand, making a noise of contentment. “Ah!” they grinned, moving closer.

Caleb let the tiefling grabs his hands, and let out a small huff of air. “Ja, Ja you like it then. That is good, I have a name for you now, Molly. You will need to thank the small dwarven girl for it later, she’s the one who came up with it.”

They just curled up into his chest, trying to pull him closer, pressing their ear to his chest and their horn to his neck. “Ah!” they sighed happily, tail wrapping around Caleb’s calf.

Caleb gasped, then said, very softly, “Your horn point is against my neck. I’m just shifting, okay? I am not leaving right now.” An apology for earlier, he supposed, but effective seeing as Molly was compliant and did not object with their usual whining when Caleb reached up, and carefully shifted how Molly leaned against him and how he was positioned in turn until Molly’s ear was pressed more into his collarbone and their horns rested on Caleb’s shoulder. That was better. It was still more contact than he’d like, but better. He sighed and rubbed Molly’s hair, needing that grounding softness just a bit.

It wasn’t until the tiefling started shaking that he realized that Gustav’s coat really couldn’t count as fully clothed and that he’d left the homespun robe off for how dirty it had gotten in the tiefling’s first fall. It was noon; Caleb would have to help him get into something warmer. The thought made a spike of anxiety shoot through him but he focused on the tiefling instead of that, rubbing their arms. “We need to dress you, ja?”

The tiefling didn’t move, still curled up, eyes closed and -- ah, they’d fallen asleep. Well shit. How had he fallen asleep standing up? Caleb hissed, then tried shaking Molly’s shoulder. “Come on, wake up. I cannot handle you safely on my own. I am not strong enough.”

Molly let out a little whining sound but they stepped back on their own, finally, and blinked at Caleb. 

“Yeah, I know you do not like when I stop touching -- Molly.” 

The Tiefling smiled at him, looking sleepy but delighted at their name.

“Molly, clothes, Come here. Feel these things.” Caleb guided Molly to kneel in front of the pile of cloth and guided his hands into it. 

It was not long before there was a pile of clothes that Molly could not stop touching or looking at. A soft woolen shirt, and brightly dyed leather jerkin, and horrendously patterned silk leggings. It was a garish disaster but made them happy, it seemed. So they would be Molly’s clothes now. Provided Caleb could get them into the clothes.

“Here, let's...let's try to put the pants on first. There are no smallclothes so...you'll have to make do,” he sighed, taking the horrendous fabric before demonstrating to Molly how they could do it. 

The tiefling watched curiously and, finally, they took the pants and stuck their legs in. 

“Pull them up,” Caleb instructed but the purple man was already distracted by the shirt. “No, no, come on, don't...alright, here,” he knelt by the tiefling, ignoring their positioning, and lifted his pants up. “There, see?”

The tiefling frowned, turning around as his tail flicked unhappily. Right. The tail. It'd need a hole. Caleb groaned into his hands. He had been trained at the Soltryce Academy, had been welcomed there for his soul and further favored and trained by a member of the Cerberus Assembly, the man who shares the common and Noble views on the empire itself...and here he was dressing up an amnesiac tiefling.

Caleb sighed, pushed the leggings down and managed to get Molly to step into them again, this time with the ties in the back, then used those to secure the leggings around the tiefling's tail. Molly's tail showed far less irritation with the leggings like this, though Caleb could only hope it meant he would not need to assist the tiefling with going to the bathroom. Deciding not to think on that, he stood and went to work helping Molly get the shirt over their horns. The jerkin was the easiest to get on, thankfully, and with that in place...

Molly looked like a disaster, but Caleb supposed it at least matched the Circus. Caleb sighed and looked the tiefling over. It was noon now. “Are you empty like this morning again? I am hungry and I would like food, but if you want to sleep, you can settle in for a nap.”

They cocked their head, seemingly understanding because they dropped to the bedrolls and tried to bring down Caleb with them, making the human fall on top of them with a grunt. Molly seemed surprised at that but their tail moved around Caleb's wrist and they happily tried to hug him, arms around his waist, making a happy noise.

Caleb groaned, “Molly, do I need to be here for you to sleep?” They looked up at him blankly, prompting Caleb to sigh. “Nod your head like this for a yes, and shake it like this for a no. Do you understand?”

Molly nodded.

“Good. So let me explain, I am quite hungry -- like that emptiness this morning? I would like to fill that emptiness, but it would be hard for me to do so if I need to stay here with you. If I could get the food, and I suppose come back here so you can nap while I eat, I would like that. Would you be good if I left to get food?”

They shook their head, holding Caleb closer. The human groaned again, trying to find a solution. “Okay, well, how about you come with me, we eat, then I get you here and you take a nap?

A nod. Caleb sighed in relief.

“Well, then, let’s go,” he murmured, standing, pulling the tiefling up. For a moment he didn’t know if he’d be able to but they were so light that he almost didn’t have to put an effort. Caleb frowned at that but he wasn’t sure if that was due to Molly actually helping this time or if they needed to eat more.

Molly followed him, fortunately, and aside from their talons digging into his shirt, he didn’t have much to complain from them. At least they didn’t talk his ear off, he thought for a humorous second, chuckling to himself, surprised when he heard a similar sound.

Caleb turned, watching them chuckle, trying out laughter on their tongue. Oh. It was...an unexpectedly lovely sound. Though, as Caleb considered it further, he had to conclude that the only unexpected thing about the laugh was perhaps that Molly hadn't laughed at all before now.

They made it back to the cooking area. This time the halfling twins seemed to be cooking. After some short introductions, he learned they were named Mona and Yuli Knot. Caleb and Molly were settled down with lunches of hearty stew and thick rye bread.

Caleb thanked the gods that Molly seemed to be trying to use the spoon this time. He was even more relieved to see that the tiefling was figuring it out now without Caleb's help. They might be able to avoid a second bath.

“You look much better now, Molly!” the little dwarven girl said, sitting down beside the tiefling, her smile wide as she knocked her bowl into theirs, making them jump before a small smile settled on their lips. “Are you still not talking?”

“They won’t talk, but they’ll nod and shake their head,” Caleb told her gently, expecting the child to give up pretty soon. Children had fickle patience and interest.

“It’s okay,” she smiled gently at Molly, who seemed transfixed with her. “I’ll talk, even though my voice isn’t pretty.”

The tiefling raised their hand, hesitating before touching the soft braid by her ear, touching it with curious talons. When the girl didn’t complain, they smiled and moved closer to her, happy to be able to touch.

Caleb felt a knot of worry ease in his chest. It was a good thing Molly was curious about someone else. It might mean he's getting more attached to them than himself. He'd be able to leave easily, if that was there case. He paused, then experimentally moved the tiniest amount away from Molly, half an inch at most.

Their tail quickly moved to his wrist and they whined, looking over at him, no longer interested in the dwarven girl as they scooched over next to him. “Ah,” they cried out, attempting to move into his lap, making the circus people laugh as Caleb fumbled with the lapful of tiefling.

“Nein, nein,” he tried, embarrassed at the display of affection. “Don’t! Come on, Molly, you -- you’ve got a nice seat here, right? This is not very comfortable. Come on, sit down -- not on my lap! Ah, that’s my neck, that’s my--” Caleb grimaced as the tiefling settled on top of him and cuddled into his chest and neck, smiling. “This is it. This is my punishment. I thought it’d be death, but this is it. Widogast, this is nobody’s fault but yours.” He let out a long sigh. It really was nearly painful -- Molly might have been lighter than anticipated, but he was still taller than Caleb, thin in a way that dug into his thighs, and heavier than it felt safe to support.

Gustav arrived then, carrying some papers, and stopped, blinking at the sight before him. “Ah -- um. Caleb. Ornna passed on your message just in time. Identification papers for One Mollymauk Tealeaf.”

“Ja, Mollymauk...that has a good sound to it.” Caleb’s voice was strained and hissed faintly. He shook Molly -- Mollymauk’s shoulder. “Mollymauk.” Caleb had to stop speaking, as their head came up and they grinned at the new way to say their name and wiggled in his lap in a way that made Caleb feel every grain of filth in his soul even worse than grabbing Mollymauk’s hips earlier had. “Will you sit by my feet like in the stream?”

Solid red eyes blinked at him, then after the tiefling nodded and blessedly slid off of Caleb’s lap to lean against his calves. Caleb let out a sigh of relief, and stroked Mollymauk’s hair twice, then met Gustav’s eyes again. “Ja, I think if I take the papers, for now, I can make sure Mollymauk has them tomorrow and such. Hopefully, that will work. I am not sure how long I can stay with you.” Mollymauk started to squirm about, so Caleb started stroking their hair to soothe them and keep them from climbing into his lap again and continued faster, “but I would like to ensure Mollymauk has a place of some sort before then. I am quite willing to be put to work, but I do not...cannot be openly seen.”

Gustav eyed Caleb up and down, giving a small nod. “I suppose that can be arranged. But you stand out too much among us in those clothes. If you’re traveling with us, you’ll need something with a bit more flash. To blend in.”

Caleb was not entirely sure what his face did at that statement, he could only pray it wasn’t incredibly obvious what he thought of that. Instead, he cleared his throat. “I uh, I would require whatever you find for me has many pockets. I have some magical talent...” He held up one hand and summoned dancing lights to demonstrate. “...and I prefer to use components, so the pockets help me keep what I need where I need it.”

Gustav nodded slowly. “I think we could put something together. We’ve got some good fabrics we could turn into something like a showy fake wizard’s robes if you won’t be insulted by that.”

Caleb chuckled. “Act as though my magic is sleight of hand instead of real training? I suppose I could pull such a thing off.”

“Or, well, you don't have to perform at all,” Gustav suggested, eyes straying to the dwarven girl. “She does need someone to look after her and apparently, you and your tiefling seem to like her.”

“They're not my--”

“Yes!” the girl grinned, nodding, her hands moving to Mollymauk's. “I'd love that!”

Oh, scheisse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *"ja, of course you had to eat like a dog. If you can't use a spoon, you could have at least eaten it like a cat. That would have been cute. Note look at you, someone will have to clean you up, because I doubt you know how, and that will likely be me, since you don't let anyone else get close to you."
> 
> ** "You know, whenever I am sitting, it's not necessary to ask for this. Just lean on me and I will stroke your very soft hair, alright? That is good."
> 
> ***“Gods, what am I doing - - You can’t remember, or if so, you can’t speak. You can’t say - - You cannot and I’m the only one that you trust, so I have to do better, than these - - these desires!”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Caleb makes promises he isn't sure he can keep, and has to face perceptions of himself that he can neither change nor accept.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey folks! Sorry I forgot to post yesterday, I've been running on so little sleep I forgot it was Wednesday!
> 
> That said, It's important to note the tag changes this chapter. This is going to start exploring some of the side effects of them meeting so early that _aren't_ so great.

It was a week and a town later and Caleb was perusing through a used bookshop that was mostly, he was embarrassed to find, filled with romance novels. He looked up from the shelves frequently to see where Mollymauk was -- they kept moving between eye-catching knick-knacks and flitting around. Thankfully Mollymauk was careful whenever they touched things, and nothing has been broken yet.

Despite the distraction of needing to keep an eye on the tiefling, Caleb was moderately successful; he'd found some music sheets and more intriguing, a spell book. Both were fantastic finds, and Caleb had slipped the music sheets in between the pages of the spell book and asked how much it cost. 

“It's jus’ some loon’s mad scribblings. I'll take two copper for it. It's not worth the bindings on it.” 

Two copper, for a spellbook and what he suspected were bard songs-- not merely entertainer music, but songs with magic in them. He remembered the students at Soltryce that could sing spells, how they had noted their papers. And Toya...well, she didn't sing with it often, but she had magic in her voice. He could encourage her to practice with it, and traveling nature of the circus meant she'd be safe. It was those thoughts running through his mind when he sat beside her at dinner that night and showed her the music. “Ja, these songs, they can do magic if you sing them right, and I think you could.”

Toya looked at the papers then said, “I'm sorry Mr. Caleb, but I can't read.” 

Caleb stopped, then cleared his throat, “Ah, I could, I could teach you? Mollymauk, can you read?” He glanced to his right, where Mollymauk was most frequently.

The tiefling shook their head.

“Ja, you know what, I will stay and teach both of you to read and write.” He regretted the declaration almost as soon as he made it. It had been bad enough when he'd planned to stay only until he could leave without Mollymauk causing a fuss. And now he was devoting two weeks, possibly another month to the circus as if he had the time or care to spare. “We'll start tomorrow. I want to study this book a bit tonight.” 

The tiefling seemed entertained by the idea of spending more willingly given time with Caleb because, for the next few hours, they were incapable of detaching themselves from him. They followed like a little duckling, sitting beside him as he read and even having the gall of laying their head on his lap, dozing off, tail curling around Caleb’s ankle as their breathing softened and slowed. It was a problem, that’s what it was, especially because most of the circus folk apparently found it cute, that Mollymauk followed him everywhere.

Caleb supposed it could be worse. He had, after all, volunteered to stay longer thanks to the teaching. He could genuinely hate everyone, instead of the by-and-large neutrality, with Mollymauk making up the only exception. Or, they could all be dead because Trent, Astrid or Wulf caught sight of him and murdered them all. He let out a bitter laugh at that thought. It would serve him right, hiding here.

He glanced up from the book and noticed Ornna and the Knot sisters, performances now done, huddled by two of his dancing light globules, working on some new costume between them. Caleb realized with a jolt that it was likely the jacket he'd been promised. He hasn't seen them working on it before. He had a sinking feeling that they had stepped up their efforts because he'd done something to imply he'd be reliable somehow. This was worse than having a duckling, he realized as nausea claws at his stomach. He swallowed, cleared his throat, said, “I need sleep, I'm afraid. The light will go out.”

“Great. There goes that. Well, good night then.”

“Ja, gute nacht. Come on Mollymauk, let's go to bed.”

The tiefling followed him quickly, their hand slipping into his, eyes eager as the two of them entered the tent they shared. Molly immediately tried to burrow into his shoulder, having learned from Toya just how much they loved physical contact. They’d started to touch everything and everyone, eating everything on their plate, licking anything and it was a problem when they’d gotten a hold of a sword -- thankfully, Caleb had been there. But in the privacy of their own tent, it became worse. They tried to hold his hand and hug him and every single time Caleb woke up, they’d be plastered to his front, dozing on his chest.

Then again, Mollymauk wasn’t this close to anyone else.

“Mollymauk, Entlein,” Caleb paused, started to realize he was saying that now. “You have been sleeping on me half the night, let's sleep in bed now, ja?” He sighed and stepped back from Mollymauk's affection, hands raising to stop them from immediately hugging him again. “I don't understand why you've decided that I'm your favorite. You deserve better than the kind of garbage I am.”

Caleb shook his head to himself and started stripping out of his outermost layers -- his coat, boots, and socks -- but leaving the rest on. He glanced over to Mollymauk, and typical of the Tiefling, they were stripping off entirely.

As soon as they were comfortable for bed, they stepped into his space but were promptly stopped by Caleb’s hand on their shoulder, pushing them back. The purple tiefling whined, eyes wide and glassy at the rejection. Their tail curled, shoulders hunching and they quickly turned around to their own bedroll, always unused, sniffling. It was a pitiful sight, how they burrowed underneath the thin covers and shivered, hugging the not-so-comfortable pillow to their chest, resting their head there as they did with his chest. They heard Caleb sigh behind them, loud and drawn-out.

Caleb wouldn’t be so easily manipulated. He had no intention of giving in easily, not this time, and sat up. He fumbled for a moment, then found his coat and draped it over them. The impulse to kiss Mollymauk's forehead washed through him, followed immediately by disgust that the compulsion wasn't born of how frequently Mollymauk acted like a child. He pulled back, turning away and spoke, “You know, you would be warmer if you wore clothes to bed. I cannot always be here. You will need to get used to that eventually.”

Caleb curled into a tighter ball as he spoke, furious at himself wanting to touch the tiefling who followed him like a duckling would its mother. He would deny this part of himself. Yes, he knew Mollymauk would still end up wrapped around him in the morning but Caleb would not touch them, would not cut them with his broken edges.

“Yes,” they whispered, garbled and throaty, curling up and taking his coat, burying their nose within the neck of it with a radiant smile. They seemed to relax at that, unfurling a little from their ball. “Empty,” Mollymauk added, turning around to face his bedroll, eyes lidded, sleepy. “Empty. Bed.”

They extended a hand, offering it to him, pouting hard and even sniffling. How manipulative and utterly adorable they were.

Caleb groaned and squeezed his legs up to himself until his knees dug into his face. He couldn't, he couldn't look at Mollymauk, he couldn't move, or he would wound. He was a garbage person, and if that was the only thing he had to worry about, he would be fine. But this sickness in him would infect the tiefling if he touched them. He would not make another person like himself. 

Caleb swallowed then choked out, “I cannot move tonight. You can, if you wish.” Caleb bit into his lip, desperately hoping Mollymauk would understand that meant away, but knowing they wouldn't.

Mollymauk watched him, eyes wide, sad, and they moved away from their bedroll and closer to Caleb. They sat in front of him, though, pulling their knees up like him, their tail swishing softly against the ground as they wrapped their arms around their knees. Then, very slowly, they moved their hand towards his and… touched a single talon to the back of his hand.

When Caleb looked up, Mollymauk smiled, warm and soft, turning their head to rest it on their knee before their toes brushed his. There was no further contact than that, just a quiet reassurance from someone so tactile that they didn’t know how to show it otherwise. 

“Caleb,” they murmured, his name passing their lips, crimson eyes on his, denoting comfort and affection. “Caleb.”

Caleb sucked in a shuddering breath at his name from Mollymauk's lips. A spark of pride and joy seemed to burst in him, only to be swamped by the realization that he didn't deserve even that blessing. The breath he'd taken ripped from him in a silent sob. His eyes fluttered closed, and his breath continued to shake.

He didn't deserve his name being spoken by Mollymauk, but they deserved a reward. They would want a hug, but Caleb hadn't thought about moving. He sucked in a deep breath, a steadier one, and opened his eyes with a soft smile. A lie that he was alright forced into an expression. “Mollymauk.” He whispered, and deliberately pressed his toes into Mollymauk's and hooked two fingers around two of theirs as well. “That was good.”

They looked so happy at that, wiggling on their spot before rushing to bury their face on his knees, giggling loudly, their tail waving around. Mollymauk almost seemed to purr as they leaned into him, clutching his fingers tightly, their fangs on full display. Their smile was radiant.

Caleb let out a long sigh and closed his eyes again. “Sleep now, ja? Tomorrow may be difficult.”

Mollymauk's purring stopped with a “mrrphm” noise. It was followed by shuffling and, to Caleb's surprise, the feeling of Mollymauk's forehead against his own.

Caleb froze. Mollymauk shifted again, and with the touch of their lips on his forehead, Caleb's breath was gone. He couldn't breathe at all. Everything around him felt too real, and like he was a phantom. 

It lasted less than a moment, a fraction of a second, and then Molly was moving back to their previous position. Caleb still didn't breathe immediately, as possibilities and questions spun rampant in his mind. He forced a breath in. Grabbed hold of his thoughts. And as he breathed out, he forced them all into a corner of his mind where he would not think them. He forced himself to breathe, to relax his muscles, to let his body sleep. He needed it for tomorrow, for trying to teach.

Just before unconsciousness claimed him, he noticed that Mollymauk's breath had fallen into the same rhythm.

 

The tiefling awoke not much later, frowning as they heard a whimper. Blinking their heavy, sleep-ridden eyes, they pulled back from Caleb's knees and looked at the wizard, gasping softly when they saw him squirming, sweat on his forehead, tears streaming down his face.

Mollymauk slowly crawled to his side, hand hesitating before finding his cheek, brushing the wet trails away before quickly curling up under his chin, their hands on his chest as well as their head.

They relaxed into the hold, smiling as he went lax as well and stopped whimpering. With a wiggle, they quickly took his wrists and positioned him so he was hugging them, the feel of his arms around their waist making them wiggle happily. And he wasn't crying anymore.

“Ca-leb,” they whispered, nuzzling his neck before closing their eyes and finally going back to sleep, now better than before.

When Caleb woke up soon after dawn, he wasn't convinced he'd truly slept at all. For one, his clothes clung to him in a way that itched and told him he's one of the burning dreams again, but he hadn't woken up, and, didn't remember what the contents exactly were. 

His limbs still feel heavy -- or perhaps the weight was Mollymauk's fault, as the tiefling had somehow found a way to lay on top of him in the end, after all. Caleb groaned and lifted his hand from where it rested on Mollymauk's back. He stared at it, then glanced to Mollymauk's head, and the soft fuzz growing out more.

He groaned and planted the hand on his own face to deny himself the luxury of that softness, and to avoid waking the tiefling if he could. Caleb needed to find a way out without waking them if one was possible. He needed to bathe, and possibly find some clothes that wouldn't put off the carnival's visitors.

He hated using their clothes, though. None of them fit quite comfortably and few were made of fabrics Caleb could stand. He could wait, perhaps. Indulge the smallest portion of his desires and wait until Mollymauk woke up--

Caleb mentally recoiled from the thought and began the arduous and difficult task of slipping out from under the tiefling.

Mollymauk whined, burrowing into his neck, open mouth pressed under his jaw as they breathed softly, arms wrapping tighter around him, purring hard. Caleb stiffened at the sensation in more ways than he wished to acknowledge. He shifted his thoughts from that to the logistics of bathing. This town hasn't placed them by any convenient body of water. His best bet for bathing was the single public bathhouse in the town. Caleb's displeasure at that thought chased off the distractions of Mollymauk's mouth on him, giving him just enough control to resume his escape.

It was very hard to get them off. In the end, he had to wake them and Molly did not like it. They awoke with a whine, squirming, rolling fully on top of him. “Nein,” they mumbled. “Nein.”

Caleb sighed and placed a hand on Mollymauk's shoulder. Not to push away, but to reassure. “Mollymauk, I'm sorry, but I really need a bath.” Saying it sparked an idea, and he tried to sit up a bit more. “Mollymauk, it's a bathhouse, you can come with me and experience one for the first time, ja? Maybe we can find out if anyone else would like to go?”

“Ba… bathhouse,” they spoke, slowly and clumsy. “Bathhhhhhouse.”

Their arms slowly went around his elbow and they rested their chin on his shoulder, eyes closing, starting to snooze off. They were tired, very tired, and they wanted to go back to sleep with him.

Caleb gasped and wrapped his freed arm around Mollymauk’s shoulder, an impulse he didn’t restrain, not after hearing him mumble a word that long. Two syllables perhaps, but not easy ones to say. He pulled the tiefling into him and whispered with barely restrained excitement, “Ah! That was good, Mollymauk. That wasn’t an easy thing to say. Congratulations.” He tightened his grip again, trying to ignore the tremor of shame slipping in. He wasn’t acting on desire; he wasn’t. It was just...joy, pride for Mollymauk’s accomplishments.

He still couldn’t hold the tiefling as long as they deserved and pulled his hands away from them moments later. He couldn’t hold them, but -- but he could let them sleep on him a little while longer if they still wanted to.

And they did. The side of their face rested on the skin of his neck, taking care not to hurt him with their horns, hands clutching at his loose shirt with a happy but tired smile.

“Caleb,” they whispered, tail moving around his upper thigh. “Bathhouse. Co -- cogra -- connngra! Rururu,” they frowned, clicking their tongue. “Cograrurashhh--” They made an annoyed sound, tail unraveling to smack the ground, frustrated.

“Shh, you don’t need to try that one, right now. Do you want to sleep more?” Caleb realized that he’d lifted his hand to touch again, just before he laid it on Mollymauk’s skin. He swallowed and reached for his coat instead. He pulled it up to lay across the Tiefling’s shoulders more firmly.

They looked at Caleb, his hands, and suddenly, trapped in Caleb's arms, Mollymauk smiled and curled up into his lap, firmly butchering the word congratulations into his chest. “Cogratupisoms,” they said, looking up at him, eyes hopeful and shining with pride. “Caleb. Bathhouse. Sleep. More. Caleb.” They repeated his name again.

Caleb snorted and leaned back on his hands to avoid temptation. “You are clearly more awake than you are pretending. I'm glad you are finding your words, though. Things will be easier for you the more you speak.” he thought for a moment, shifted his weight on his hands to offer one to Mollymauk and stage off distress, then said, “Let me know when you want to eat, ja?”

“Ja,” they replied, nodding before forcing him on his back and curling up on top of him like a cat, smiling softly, their tail moving slowly, lethargic. “Sleep. Caleb sleep.”

Caleb blinked. “You want…me to sleep more?” On the other hand, perhaps Mollymauk was still tired, with the way their tail was barely lifted as it swayed.

“Ja, ja,” they nodded, smiling softly as they began to breathe a bit slower, sighing again, their chest vibrating with soft purrs. “Caleb sleep. Want. Want Caleb sleep.”

Caleb blinked and mumbled, “Oh, that's cute,” but relaxed. It was odd, intensely odd, to have Mollymauk starting to take care of him, or trying to, but it was…nice as well. Evidence that there was an adult behind the forgotten words and curiosity of their world. “I'm not sure I can, but I will try. Is that good enough?”

He shifted carefully, trying to get comfortable without putting his hands on the tiefling's bare skin, ultimately settling them on his coat still draped around them, and closed his eyes.

Mollymauk did not sleep -- they were tempted to, but they didn't. Instead, they drew patterns on Caleb's chest, their chest bursting with something unknown as Caleb hugged them around the safety of his coat, the coat that smelled like him. The tiefling found something profoundly comforting about it all, their shoulders starting to shake and their eyes watering.

Confused, Molly began to cry, not knowing exactly why, their sniffles now loud.

Caleb hadn't slept either, having never quite gotten the trick of falling back asleep, and also incapable of getting about how he would teach Mollymauk and Toya. Right up until Molly started shaking on top of him, and then the sniffles started. “Mollymauk, scheisse. Did I do something?”

Mollymauk shook their head.

Caleb friend and started running Mollymauk's back through the cost. “Are you upset?”

“N-nein,” they sobbed, burying their face on his neck, curling up. “No know. No k-know.”

There was some emotion on their chest and it was swooping to their stomach and for some reason, it was coming out of their eyes in big teardrops, their mouth open in a soft cry as their hands came to rest on Caleb's warm chest. His heartbeat reached their ears and the feeling got stronger and they just kept crying and crying, relief starting to sweep over them as they did.

Caleb let out a noise of distress. “Is it--” Caleb cut himself off and mumbled in Zemnian, before speaking again in common, “Do you feel good?” that didn't make sense, but Mollymauk seemed certain that they weren't upset, even if they didn't know why they were crying.

They nodded, sobbing hard, hiding their tears right under his jaw as their arms went around his torso, needing closeness, needing the solidness of his body to anchor them if only for a moment. Mollymauk kept crying, their entire skeleton unraveling with relief, the feeling of wellness pouring out. “Good,” they sobbed loudly. “Good, good!”

Caleb didn't quite believe it, that he'd done something that felt so good to Mollymauk that they were sobbing from having it. But Molly hadn't yet shown any indication towards lying. Faced with these to conflicting ideas, Caleb opted not to think too hard on the matter, and focus on trying to comfort the tiefling more.

He would take them to the bathhouse when they were done. They would like that, right?

Molly cried it out for a while, sobbing and sniffling and hiccuping against Caleb's neck before finally calming down, quieting, their eyes falling shut as their shoulders just…slumped. They relaxed against Caleb, exhausted, still sniffling slightly.

“Caleb,” they murmured, hearing the steady beating of his heart against their ear with a sigh. “Caleb…”

They wanted to hold his hand but they were too tired to even move, too comfortable. Who knew when would the human let them lounge on him like that? Probably not again.

Caleb hummed, “Mollymauk? Do you remember the stream, and me cleaning you in it?”

“Ja, ja,” Mollymauk murmured into Caleb's chest.

“Would you like to do that again in warmer water? I will wash your hair again, but we won't be able to stay as long, because I need to start teaching you and Toya how to read and write.”

“Wash,” they murmured, nodding, starting to snooze off. “Wash. Shshsh,” they tested the sound on their lips. “Wash. Toya. Need. Um…” they thought of other words, then decided to just please Caleb. “Caleb!”

Caleb made a muffled grunt that might have been a laugh. “If you want to wash, we have to do it now.” He put a hand on Mollymauk’s shoulder to shake them, but his stomach growled instead. Caleb flushed, as an ache started in his stomach. “Or perhaps after we eat. Mollymauk, I’m quite hungry.”

“Hungry,” they repeated, nodding, sitting up and straddling his hips with their tail swishing. “Hungry!” they batted his belly, smiling wide. Mollymauk’s curls were starting to grow, a deep purple that quite suited them. 

Caleb grunted and his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “I’m not sure what you’re trying to say right now, but I am very hungry.” Caleb propped himself up on his elbows and tried to slide out from the tiefling, but found their weight settled a bit too firmly to do more than shift them onto his thighs. It allowed him to sit up a bit more, though, so he did, and put one hand on Mollymauk’s hip with a slight push, only recalling then as he did it that Mollymauk was naked last time. Caleb could feel the tips of his ears burning, and he was sure his entire face was red. “I -- I can’t -- umm -- I can’t eat if I’m pinned down. Can -- can you get off of me so we can go eat?”

“Eat,” they licked their lips, showing their fangs with a big grin. Their tail whipped a little and they yawned before stretching like a cat, mewling even before standing, walking to their bedroll to dress, their tail moving from side to side along with their swaying hips.

Caleb just stopped himself from groaning in relief when Mollymauk got off of him. He tracked them for a moment then turned away. He scrubbed furiously at his face before standing and putting on the rest of his clothes. That left him staring at the side of the tent, somewhat terrified of turning around in the off chance that Mollymauk was still naked and more pressingly on his mind, that he’d enjoy it.

He lifted a hand to his mouth and chewed on a knuckle, thoughts running through his mind. Mollymauk may be demonstrating more adult behaviors -- thank the gods for small mercies -- but they were still adjusting to the world as a whole, still couldn’t communicate, and still hadn’t demonstrated the ability, or perhaps the willingness, to care for themselves. Which left Caleb as their caretaker and meant this pull towards them was still wrong.

Caleb sighed, dropped his hand and peaked over his shoulder at Mollymauk. “Are you ready?”

“Ja, ja!” they grinned, walking over and wrapping their tail around his wrist, smiling wide at Caleb and even leaning over to nuzzle the side of his face. “Hungry. Eat. Bathhouse. Caleb!”

Caleb’s lips twitched up in a smile at the sight of Mollymauk fully dressed, before glancing down at the tail around his wrist. It was a blessedly distracting sight, a new behavior of sorts that allowed Caleb to focus on that instead of Mollymauk’s face against his own. He considered it, then twitched his fingers of that hand. The tail wasn’t holding him tightly at all, so he slid his around the tiefling’s tail to hold it in turn, and rubbed his fingertips along the silky texture of the skin there. “What’s this? You’ve never held my wrist like this before, Mollymauk.”

The tiefling reacted wildly, eyes going wide and knees buckling, a soft moan escaping between their teeth. “Ah!” They let out, knees shaking, their tail twitching and their entire face and neck turning a deep plum color. “Caleb!”

Caleb immediately let go of the tail, hands reaching to support Mollymauk as their knees buckled. “Did I hurt you? I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Are you alright?” He turned, moving one hand on Mollymauk’s hip the other on a shoulder, and looked into their face. It was then that he realized that the reaction hadn’t been pain. “Oh gods, I’m sorry, I didn’t know that it would -- that your tail -- that uh, being sensitive would do that to you.”

Mollymauk didn’t see the issue, judging by how they immediately leaned into Caleb and nuzzled his neck.

Caleb pulled back and shook his head. “Mollymauk, that was not something I meant to do, and we both need to eat. Ah, come on then.” He knew his ears were red again, but there was nothing for it. He hooked his arm with Mollymauk’s and lead them over to where breakfast was cooking.

The entire time, Molly kept trying to fiddle with their tail, Caleb retrieving it with a wince when he saw their fingers rub into the base and their cheeks go a deep color, eyes unfocused. 

Mollymauk whined when Caleb took their tail away once more but stopped complaining as he wrapped it around his wrist, eyebrows shooting up as if to say, Will this make you stop? Molly grinned.

“Here you are, you two!” Ornna huffed, smiling at them with a cocked eyebrow. “Long time no see. Did you have a good sleep?”

“Sleep good! Bathhouse! Eat!” Molly bounced, snuggling into Caleb again.

“Ah, I slept well enough, I suppose.” Caleb shrugged and sat down. He took care not to disturb Molly’s tail as he did so, far too embarrassed with knowing its sensitivity and the strange intimacy implicit in Mollymauk wanting it there. Well, that and he didn’t want to cause any obvious reaction for Ornna or anyone else to witness. “What is for breakfast?”

“Well, We’ve got some boiled eggs, bacon, toast, and some butter. No porridge today, sorry. But what’s this about a bathhouse?”

“Ah, it’s been a while since we bathed, and I saw a public bathhouse on our way in.”

Ornna nodded then said, “Oh! I wonder if we can talk Gustav into letting us all go? And, Caleb, I wanted to give you this.” She bustled over to the side of the space set out for cooking, to a box, then pulled a bundle from behind it and brought it over to Caleb. “We have a few pants and tunics there too, patterned to fit like yours.”

Caleb swallowed, mouth suddenly dry. “Ah, I’m grateful, thank you.”

“Pants. Tunic. Fit.” Molly spoke around a mouthful of eggs, wiggling in their seat. They were full of energy today, finishing their breakfast quick, even stealing some of Caleb's, to the point where Caleb needed more himself to satiate his hunger, and then pulling on him, towards the bathhouse, whining as Caleb walked slower.

“Caleb!” They stomped their foot, pouting. “Caleb, Caleb!”

“Ja ja, I did not think you were so excited for this, considering how long it took to get you out of bed.” Caleb huffed, then started walking faster so he could properly guide Mollymauk through the few turns in town until they arrived. Caleb quickly paid for their baths, and then they were in the changing rooms, stripping down. 

Caleb moved quickly to remove his old clothes while Mollymauk was slower with their own layers, and much like in their own tent, occasionally tried to plaster themselves on Caleb. This was typical enough that it didn’t take long for them to finish and head to the public baths, Mollymauk’s tail slipping around Caleb’s wrist again as they did. At least it wasn't his waist, Caleb was certain he wouldn't be able to handle the intimacy of that.

Thankfully, the baths at this hour were pretty empty, so when Mollymauk slipped into the bath and came out covered in oils while wildly giggling, there was no one to judge. They swam and dived and then attempted to hug Caleb until they realized he was extremely uncomfortable, going off to swim some more and soak in the oils.

Their tail swirled the water as they floated on their back, smiling peacefully, eyes closed. “Bathhouse,” they murmured, a sigh of happiness leaving their lips.

Caleb felt a warm pulse of something like satisfaction on a job well done, but different all the same. He leaned into the wall of the deep bath, then plunged down to get water in his hair and wash it and his face. When he came up, he smiled to Mollymauk and said, “Ja, I knew you would like this.”

He scrubbed up, watching Mollymauk float, then cleared his throat, “if you want me to wash your hair, come over here with your back to me, ja?”

They sat up, cocking their head curiously at him before swimming over, trying to straddle him, their tail winding around his thigh this time as their hands touched his chest - and then they jumped, touching it further, messing up the hair there with a smile.

“Caleb,” they wiggled, smiling, rubbing there. “Caleb, Caleb!”

Caleb gasped, then dropped under the water and popped back up. Between them both being naked, the water, and their tail on his thigh, it was too overwhelming. Still, he didn't stay under long and popped up quickly. “That is a bit too much right now, Mollymauk. Turn around so I can get your hair, ja?”

They blinked, nodding before turning around, running one of their claws through their hair before holding their own shoulder, waiting, tail tightening around his thigh. Their body shone with suds and oil, running down, making their back and those odd red eyes shine a bit more than the rest. Their horns dripped with water and Mollymauk sighed, suddenly relaxed.

Caleb did his best to ignore the tail for his own sake, and instead raised his hands to Molly's head and started running his fingers through the still short but growing curls. He liked this, the way Mollymauk relaxed under his fingers, the softness of their hair. “I've said it before, but this is nice. I like doing this for you.” 

It felt a bit ridiculous, stating that for Mollymauk and in Common, no less, but there was something truly enjoyable about feeling the tiefling relax under his hands.

They mewled under his hands, smiling to themselves, enjoying his touch, wishing he’d wrap his arms around them and hug them tight like last night. They liked the feeling of skin on skin, the slide and warmth of it, how it made them feel safe and sound. 

As soon as Caleb finished rinsing the suds off their curls, Mollymauk’s tail unwound and they curled into his lap, turning into a purple ball of needy sounds, burrowing into his chest with a wide smile.

Caleb sucked in a sharp breath and immediately went tense. This contact, with Mollymauk in his lap, he knew it was too close, so he scrambled for some thought, some image, to kill any desire that surfaced from this and stop him from getting hard. Fire flickers into his mind's eye.

It certainly killed the start of his boner.

He swallowed, then clamped his hands on Mollymauk's hips. “Mollymauk, please stop moving so much. What do you want?”

“Want?” They blinked owlishly at him before their face lit up and they moved their tail to fit it against the palm of his hand, waiting, squeezing their thighs together as they patted the spade into his palm.

Caleb's eyes went wide, and his ears went pink. The flush spread across his face and even down his neck. But he didn't close his hand. He swallowed, trying to move the lump growing in his throat, and he raised his other hand to cup the back of Mollymauk's head, a silent source of comfort for what Caleb would say next. “I can't. Not that. Mollymauk. Mollymauk, I need you to understand something. I need you to understand that I am a man with a broken mind, and I don't deserve the trust you put in me. I will hurt you, hurt us both if I agree to this.” He struggled with the next words but forced them out anyway. “If you ask for a hug, I will hold you, if I'm able. But I am not always able to do that, even. And if you want some time for yourself to see what you can enjoy with your tail, I can give you that time. But I cannot give you that pleasure.”

Caleb had no idea how the words came out of him so calmly, not with his mind clanging like church bells and shrieking from how much he shouldn't want this. Worse, this was Mollymauk communicating quite clearly that they desired pleasure from Caleb. 

Caleb, who could barely put up with the constant touching, with being around the circus, with having anyone to speak to. He couldn't imagine giving what Mollymauk was asking for.

Mollymauk did not seem to understand most of it but they did slip the spade of their tail off his hand, eyes dropping down, their shoulders hunched. They slowly retreated from his lap and nodded, hiding to their nose in the water and swimming away.

Caleb’s breath came fast as Molly started to slide away from him. His eyes proceeded, but Molly was gone before the water in his eyes turned to tears. In Molly's absence, he felt only numbness down to his bones. It was for the best, it had to be. Caleb settled in the water and watched, ignoring the distant ache in his chest, and instead focused on the time, on figuring out how he would teach Toya and Mollymauk, and considering if he'd need to apologize to the tiefling in order to start those lessons.

Half an hour in the bath and Caleb swam over to Mollymauk. He reached out, carefully, with one hand to brush his fingers against their forearm. To his surprise, tears threatened him again almost immediately. “I'm sorry, Mollymauk?” He stopped, having not quite meant to say that, with his voice rough with too much emotion in it. He cleared his throat. “I'm sorry, I can't be everything you want. We should head back.”

Molly turned to him, eyes widening as they saw his tears. For a moment, they seemed to be frozen in place, watching him, his tears -- and then they lifted their hand, their thumb brushing away one, then the other. And their talons gently ran through his face, through his stubble, brushing over his lips and ending on his chest.

Caleb blinked at the contact; he hadn't realized that the tears he felt prickling his eyes had actually started falling. A sob slipped out of him.

“Caleb,” they whispered, moving a bit closer. “Sad. Nein. Nein, nein, nein.” They shook their head, stepping back but with their hand still on his face. “Caleb happy. Mollymauk happy.”

Caleb's hands fell onto Mollymauk's waist in a loose hug, and then Caleb collapsed against Mollymauk before he could reign in his emotions. He pressed his forehead against Mollymauk's collarbone and cried. It didn't last long, ten minutes at most, but Caleb shook with each sob. 

When he did step back, he had the slightest smile on his face. “I can't possibly deserve what you want for me, but I'll try to be happy for you. Let's -- let's get dressed, ja?”

“Ja, ja!” They nodded happily, snuggling into him before clumsily getting out of the pool.

Getting dressed went without issue, despite Caleb changing into his new clothes. Other than the outermost layer -- an ostentatious “robe” of embroidered berry-colored fabric and patterned lining and patches -- the clothes were simple, solid colors. The shirt was a deep, saturated blue, and the pants were even darker, like the sky at midnight. The only real oddity of those way the length of the tunic's sleeves. They hang to his knuckles and would have been a hassle if not for a hole in the hem that lined up with his thumb. Further examination revealed little straps that could be buttoned to the back of the sleeve to lay between his fingers, which immediately made his hands feel as secured and warm as his usual bandages. How the people who worked on the clothes saw to do that, Caleb had no idea, but he was immediately grateful to their insight.

And from there it was walking back to the circus with a happy Mollymauk, made all the happier by Caleb holding their hand. He was surprised by how smoothly it went, with people noticing them, then turning back to their work quickly. 

It wasn't until they were within sight of the tents that Mollymauk's hands moved to his sleeves, touching the hole made for his thumbs, and suddenly they seemed to realize that his clothes were different, eyes moving around him, lifting his coat, pressing their face under his armpit and then trying to lift his shirt with a smile, tail flicking.

“Mollymauk!” Caleb flinched when the tiefling buried their face in his armpit, trying to squirm away from the contact and not laugh at the same time. The prickling sensation of being tickled was immediately made worse by Mollymauk's hands sliding under his shirt hem. Caleb was just able to catch his hands on their wrists before he laughed. “Nein, Mollymauk, I like these clothes, let me wear them without being poked and prodded, ja?”

“Caleb! Soft!” they giggled, all smiles as their face went way too close to his, nose brushing the corner of his mouth before they tugged on his sleeve. “Caleb -- Caleb pretty!”

Caleb flinched from the contact to his face, and especially how close Mollymauk had been to kissing him. It was the tiefling’s words, though, that turned him a red that clashed with his hair. Pretty. He supposed he was cleaned up, and Molly would like the damn robe, but -- pretty? Caleb sighed, and threaded his fingers with Molly’s and started walking the rest of the way to the tents. “We should find Toya, ja?”

“Ja, ja!” they grinned, following him, squeezing his hand before using their other one to grip his, as if making sure he wouldn’t let go.

Caleb smiled and started guiding Mollymauk through the tents. They ran into Mona and Yuli first, and with a little small talk, they pointed the way to where Toya and Kylrie were, giving arriving looks to Caleb all the while.

Caleb had the uneasy sensation that it wasn't just that he was wearing the new clothes, but it took him a good ten steps to realize that he wasn't walking in his usual beggar hunched pose, but instead, he was moving upright, like the way a wizard normally appeared as in stories. He would need to watch that; he was fairly certain that he was walking as he had under Trent. Gaits and how one moved were often the easiest way to recognize someone. He made a mental note to ask someone about different boots.

He shook off those thoughts, and quickly ducked into their tent to swap his old clothes for the tools he’d need to teach, and finally got to Toya. “Ready for your first lessons?”

Toya looked up and gave a nervous smile. “Yeah, I think so? Will they be hard?”

Caleb thought a moment, then shrugged, “I'm not sure, it's been I long time and I don't quite remember. But if it's too hard, let me know.”

"Hard," Molly stated firmly as if they knew all the answers in the world before flopping down on the floor, watching Caleb and Toya with a smile. "Hard! Caleb!"

Caleb raised an eyebrow at that, the tips of his ears going pink as he recalled the bathhouse, then cleared his throat. He sat between Mollymauk and Toya, handing them each a slate and stick of chalk, then taking up his own. "So, I think the first thing I'll show the two of you is how to write the alphabet, and we'll say some words that have that letter, and you can practice it, ja? So let's start with the capital versions of them."

Caleb lifts his own piece of chalk and shows them how he holds it, in his right hand. "Is this comfortable for you?"

They both nodded, and the lesson began.

It was more tedious with Molly than with Toya. Toya caught the hang of letters easily while Molly got extremely confused and slightly frustrated with it all. They confused the A and E, the B and the D, and they finally made an irritated sound and dropped the board to the floor, standing and rushing out of the tent.

Caleb paused when Molly dropped the slate, making a surprised noise, then startling when Mollymauk ran from the tent. "Toya, practice the letters I've shown you so far. Fill the slate with one letter then - uh, then come find me so I can check them, ja? Toya nodded, cleaned her slate, and started working on a slate full of As.

Caleb watched her for another second, then picked up Mollymauk's board and followed the tiefling out. "Mollymauk?" He looked around, trying to find them. "Mollymauk, I won't make you work on this more today, but can I talk with you?"

It took quite a while for Caleb to find them but he finally did, watching their purple tail lashing angrily as they sat by the stream, curled up, watching the water.

They didn't seem to notice him approaching and when Caleb got closer he heard their sniffling, hand moving to brush over their nose.

"Oh, scheisse." Caleb sighed and sat down next to Mollymauk. He needed to comfort them, and he fell back on the thing that always seemed to help. He settled an arm around Mollymauk's shoulders. "Mollymauk, I'm sorry if I made this too stressful for you. You don't have to learn to write or read, but it can help. I'd like to help you learn, and part of that is learning where it's hardest for you, so I can know where to go from there in your lessons."

They sniffled, eyes on the stream, curling up against his side as if seeking the comfort but unable to look at him -- they felt full of shame, of some unknown feeling of inadequacy, tail in knots over how Toya seemed to be doing fine and they weren't. Then the word finally came to mind, finally able to express themselves.

"Stupid," they murmured, index moving to point at themselves, their reds meeting Caleb's as fat tears rolled down their cheeks. "Stupid." Their finger moved to him. "Smart."

Caleb pulled back as if slapped, but made sure to keep an arm on their shoulder, "Nein!" he moved back closer, held Mollymauk tighter, "Nein, you're not stupid. One of the smartest people I've ever known--" Caleb swallowed, suddenly realizing as the words tumbled out of his mouth that he was thinking back to his training, to Astrid and Eodwulf in particular. His words faltered, and he swallowed again. "Ja, one of the smartest, cleverest people I've known in my life had to take many extra lessons and courses to learn reading and writing."

They frowned, eyes hopeful, their reds moving to his neck instead of his face as they clutched at his shirt tightly between their hands. "Molly no stupid?" They asked, sounding like they wanted it to be that way.

Caleb nodded, "That's right, Mollymauk, you're not stupid." There was a long pause, as he sorted through more thoughts. Finally, he cleared his throat and added, "Ja, and Toya, she's been thinking and alive and speaking and seeing the world and seeing letters, seeing people write, for something like ten years. You've only been out of the dirt for a few days. You are still learning how to speak and you haven't seen as much -- at least that you remember, is that correct?"

They frowned, the word foreign, hand moving to his lips, brushing them softly, "Correct?" They cocked their head, tail flicking with interest. What was that word?

Caleb looked at them with those big blue eyes wide and alarmed and their hand pulled back from his mouth, placing it on their lap.

"Correct means 'right'. I was -- I was trying to make sure that I am right that you don't have many, if any, memories of writing and reading?" He paused, suddenly unsure of how they were sitting, and Mollymauk seemed calmer now. He shifted, hand dropping off of Mollymauk's shoulders and settling it beside their hip to lean on and entangled his fingers with theirs. Now he could look at Mollymauk better, even if he kept letting his eyes dart away from Mollymauk's.

"Correct," they nodded, eyes on his still, hand tangling in his, slowly dropping their head on his chest. "Correct...."

Caleb nodded, his chin just brushing the plum-colored curls, then groaned. "I am a fool, sometimes. You were trying to tell me that reading and writing would be hard for you before the lessons. I thought you were trying a new word."

"Hard," they murmured, eyes closing, their arms moving around Caleb's waist before their tail gently went around his wrist, spade fitting into his hand - not needy, but just comforting. 

Mollymauk was comforting him now, apparently, nuzzling into his chest.

"Caleb smart," they tried to explain, words escaping them as always. "Molly stupid. Molly sad. Caleb go away."

Caleb furrowed his brow as he tried to understand what they were saying. He had an idea of it, but there was a correction due before he confirmed his suspicions. "You're not stupid, Mollymauk, I don't want to hear you call yourself that. Now, are you saying you're sad, because I don't plan on staying?"

They immediately pulled back at that, eyes wide with panic, their mouth gaping open. "Leaving?!" They cried out, immediately upset. "Nein, nein, nein! Nein! Caleb no leaving! Caleb stay, stay, stay!" They hugged him tightly, whimpering, shaking so hard that Caleb could feel it.

Caleb wrapped his arms around Mollymauk. "I'm not leaving yet. There are things I need to do, things I need to fix. I've said this before, but I'm not leaving yet you aren't ready, and this... I need to know where I'm going first. I can't stay forever, but I'm not leaving yet."

"Nein, Caleb stay," they held him tighter, face moving to his neck and pressing their nose to the warm column of his throat, sniffling hard. "Caleb stay. Molly happy. Caleb leave, Molly sad. Molly happy, Caleb stay, Caleb forever." They began to softly cry, climbing on his lap, "Caleb stay forever, Molly happy."

Guilt gnawed at Caleb's stomach. What had he done? What had he done, that this tiefling's happiness was now tied to his presence? He wrapped his arms loosely around them and stared out past their shoulder.

"I could return, perhaps? After I find a way to do what I need to." That wouldn't be good enough, he knew it wasn't good enough. "But Mollymauk, I'm not happy, not fully, not truly, and I don't want to be trapped. If I don't do the things I need to, I'll never be happy."

That only seemed to make Molly cry harder, now fully curled on his lap, pulling back only to shake their head at him, sobbing, "Nein. Nein! Caleb happy!"

They lifted their hands, fingers pushing at the corners of his mouth, trying to push them up, trying to make him smile, desperately blubbering nonsense in a language Caleb didn't understand or a language that only made sense in their head.

"Caleb stay," they begged, eyes pleading, still trying to make him smile. "Caleb stay. Caleb happy with Molly happy. Happy all. Happy forever."

Caleb pulled away from Mollymauk's fingers, then reached up and grabbed their hands, closing them and pressing their lavender knuckles to his mouth.

He was a bastard. He was a complete bastard, to make Mollymauk cry so hard for him. "I do not know why you are in my life and care so much for someone who is as much a piece of garbage as I am."

They made a noise of protest, pressing their forehead to his, desperately shaking their head again, eyes wide. "Nein! Caleb good. Caleb smart. Caleb correct."

Caleb pulled back as much as he could and started to shove Mollymauk. "Nein! You Don't know! You don't know, Mollymauk, what I've done! I am garbage! I killed them! I put them in the ground like you were! Only they won't come back!" He sucked in a sharp breath, realizing what he'd just said. His eyes went wide and he shook his head. No, no, it was worse -- it was worse and the memories licked at his mind.

He could feel them. Just from mentioning what he'd done, the memories had started to burn through the barriers he'd erected in his mind and fill him with smoke. His hands and arms went weak, and he stared. 

"Caleb?" Molly's lower lip quivered, scared from the shouting and his eyes and posture, hands shaking as they touched his chest. "Caleb?!" They sobbed again, unable to get a reaction from him, shaking him slightly, then a lot, but Caleb just stared.

"Caleb!" they called, feeling him slump forward, his forehead press to theirs and Molly suddenly hugged him, feeling panic engulf them.

Caleb could distantly feel the shaking. He couldn't escape the memories, but the person -- who was it? -- needed something from him. Caleb blinked, still couldn't see anything beyond his parents burning. But the shaking was more desperate. 

He breathed in, the smoke coiling in his throat, choking him, but he just, just barely, managed to get out, "Bed, I need sleep."

Mollymauk jumped a little before looking around, a bit desperately, then just laid on the grass, pulling Caleb on top of them, letting him rest his head on their chest, their hands running through his hair.

"Sleep," they whispered, urgent. "Sleep!"

Caleb's breath sank out of him, and he closed his eyes as the fire and smoke became more distant. He breathed in, and the scent reminded him of their name. "Mollymauk."

"Caleb," they replied, gently stroking his hair, their legs tangling with his. "Caleb good. Caleb smart. Caleb correct. Caleb happy with Mollymauk."

Caleb knew something was wrong with that, but he couldn't stay, and he didn't want to move. He was exhausted, had work to do on his mind, and was genuinely comfortable on this person, on Mollymauk. He was so close to relaxing entirely.

It was Mollymauk's lips on his forehead that did it, that melted away the last of the tension in his body.

Their lips brushed his forehead like he'd done with them in the bath and Caleb seemed to finally relax fully, going lax, their body holding his slim weight.

Molly did not mind. Molly was fine.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bandits attack the circus on the road, things could have gone worse, but Mollymauk's injuries leave Caleb shaken and wanting to leave before he gets too attached.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey folks, this chapter has a hell of a lot in it. The tags and warnings have been updated, and, very important here:
> 
> Emotional manipulation/blackmail.
> 
> I know people can find this tag triggering, so there's a summary of the chapter in the end notes.

Caleb woke up like he had every day for the last four days: silent and certain that this time he'd be alone. He wasn't, he could feel Mollymauk's tail wrapped around his wrist. Mollymauk themselves wasn't on top of him - the night has been unusually scorching, and they laid curled on their side instead.

That was an odd relief, the distance, if only because Caleb was able to slip his wrist free and go out for a piss immediately. He sighed, then enjoyed the pre-dawn light and mist that gilded the world in silver on his way back to the tent. Mollymauk was still asleep by some miracle, so Caleb sat back down beside them.

Molly did stir as he climbed back into the bedroll, eyes blinking and shining with sleep before rolling over half on top of him, smiling with satisfaction, burrowing into his warmth. "Good. Morning."

Caleb hummed and dropped a hand on Mollymauk's back. It would take a while yet before the words would come, they felt buried under the knowledge of how much pain he would cause them. Thus, it was silent in the tent, and outside it in the predawn, until Caleb heard the clatter of a sound that couldn't be from the circus or their equipment - the clatter of armor and the hiss of people whispering.

Caleb sat up, stiffening and squeezing Mollymauk's shoulder, then pulled out his spellbook. His voice low, but not whispered - he wouldn't let his voice carry - he said, "Trouble. Hide, unless you can fight."

He pulled out from under Mollymauk and slipped to the tent entrance. He snapped his fingers and the cat familiar he'd been working on getting poofed into the middle of the tents and looked around. Caleb spotted six bandits through her - his - eyes then had him yowl, loud and sharp enough to wake up everyone.

Mollymauk watched with wide eyes, Caleb's figure disappearing out of the tent as screams broke out and the clash of iron on iron and -

Instinct broke out, Mollymauk's feet moving before they could truly think about it, and suddenly they were outside the tent and there was fire.

Bosun took out a bandit, Caleb sent a bolt of fire into a different one but stopped as his eye landed on them. "Mollymauk!"

A bandit used Caleb's distraction to get closer, raising his sword to strike him.

Mollymauk snarled, rushing in front of the wizard before foreign words tumbled off their lips, red streaming down their cheeks before the bandit was blinded, screaming as he clutched at his eyes, falling to the floor - but the sword was dropped and Molly was taking it and instinct took over as they slashed themselves with it.

Ice and blood covered the blade and Molly walked into the fray without a single hesitance - which, in hindsight, had been the main problem.

Muscle memory could only take them so far before they were wounded. Caleb fought hard, keeping an eye on Mollymauk until the wounding started. Then Molly feel and - Caleb's fire engulfed the bandit who's knocked there tiefling to the floor, it burned through his body, and Caleb felt queasy and lost in the memory of someone else burning, burning, and the consuming flames.

He wasn't sure how long it was before he came to, his mind lagging behind consciousness, but the first words out of him were, "Mollymauk! Where's Mollymauk?"

It was then that he noticed his surroundings, the terms they shared, Ornna, and Mollymauk beside him, laid out and still out from the fight.

"Hey, hey, easy there," she huffed as Caleb tried to stumble over to them. "They're fine - they lost a lot of blood, but they're okay, yeah? I don't know what the hell they were doing, cutting themselves up like that, but it seemed to work."

Bosun looked over, head wound being bandaged by Gustav as the twins dragged out some of the items the bandits had held. The circus was not in shambles but everyone seemed injured one way or another.

"Scheisse. Ja, I -" Caleb swallowed down, “thought they were dead” and instead said, "I'm sorry that I learned to summon the cat first, there's another spell I could have learned that is a magical alarm."

"That's fine, Caleb, you saved us from a lot of injuries, maybe even death," Ornna said, this time softly, her hand on his shoulder. "We owe you. Thank you."

It was then when Mollymauk started to stir, whining a little, curling up on their side.

"Ja, okay. I need a moment?" Caleb slipped his wizard's robes off and tucked it around Mollymauk as he spoke, and then he stood, walking dead-eyed into the middle of the camp.

Mollymauk had fought for him. There was no question of that.

Caleb didn't want to see that again. He assessed, then went back into the tent. "The maps - Gustav, Desmond, we're about six hours travel to the town of Trostenwald, should we head there, once we're all awake?"

Once Mollymauk woke up, as they were the last one unconscious.

"I - why the rush?" He frowned, looking around. "I think if anything, we should take a rest, Caleb, we're all injured."

Caleb blinked, then shook his head, "Nein, I'm not saying what I mean correctly. We should rest, feel better, but I would like to be within the town's protection tonight. Ja? It's only half a day's travel, which was too long to get there last night, but..." Caleb's eyes drifted to Mollymauk and their injuries, tucked under his costume. "I'm not interested in tempting the chance of more bandits coming when the sun goes down again."

"Alright," he nodded, sighing as he rubbed a hand over his face, his eyes moving between the wizard and the tiefling. "Mind if you take them to the tent to rest up? They need someone to take care of 'em and, well, everyone else is busy."

Caleb nodded, have a doubtful look to Mollymauk, and did his best to carefully drag them into the tent without further injuries. He looked up when his back hit the tent flap, and then his mind supplied what he'd been missing: it was only an hour after the attack, dawn just barely peeking over the horizon.

"Hurts," Molly whined, curling up on the bedroll, their tail tightly wrapping around Caleb's ankle. "Stop. Stop hurt."

Caleb closed his eyes tight. "I don't know how." Healing was never his strong suit. Never had he felt more frustrated with that fact.

"Hand," they whimpered, their talons moving to his fingers and entwining them, trying to pull him down to the bedroll. "Hug. Please. I want hug."

Caleb bit his lip, but complied, laying down beside Mollymauk and draping an arm over them.

Mollymauk seemed to relax at that, quickly curling up again him, whimpering into his neck before their hands moved to his chest, hesitating, "Caleb hurt?" they asked, eyes wide and worried. "Caleb okay?"

Caleb sucked in a breath, "Nein, I wasn’t injured."

"Good," they smiled, kissing his cheek as blood seeped from the wound on their arm to Caleb's hand, soaking it. "Caleb -"

Caleb sat up. "Your arm! I need to bandage and clean it. Scheisse! Mollymauk, where else are you bleeding?"

"Leg," they murmured, feeling a bit weaker with every second that passed, slowly drifting off. "Arm. Cheek."

Every red eye tattooed on their body was bleeding, and as they lost consciousness again and Caleb rolled them on their back, he realized the eyes weren't tattoos and that every scar on their body may have been self-inflicted.

Caleb felt his hands shake as he bandaged Mollymauk's wounds, but he was able to do it well enough that Mollymauk didn't seem to slip any further. He sighed, then settled back down around them.

Mollymauk slept for quite a while, eyes closed and that damn red dot on their cheek watching Caleb, daring him to try and solve the mystery of why it was there.

Caleb stared for nearly an hour then stood and stretched out. His back popped, and he was left to think.

Mollymauk was willing to die for him. He couldn't shake that knowledge, as much as he wished it was false. He wanted Mollymauk to be safe, but he needed to leave. If he was gone, Mollymauk couldn't die over something so unnecessary as protecting him. He wouldn't leave yet. When they got to town, perhaps. He'd put on his old coat and slip away.

"Caleb?" The tiefling called, eyes ridden with sleep before they tried to reach for his hand, smiling as Caleb let them hold it. "Better. Feel better. Thank you. Caleb?" The tiefling called out, eyes ridden with sleep before they tried to reach for his hand, smiling as Caleb let them hold it. "Better. Feel better. Thank you."

Caleb snorted, "You gave me a scare there, almost dying like that. Make sure someone takes care of the bleeding before you demand to be held, ja?"

"I like hugs," they spoke, their most worn sentence since they'd learned it, making grabby hands at him. "Feel better. I want hugs. Caleb hugs."

"Ja, I will hug you more, but listen. If you are bleeding like that and don't get bandaged, you will die. I was almost hugging a corpse. That is not something I want to be doing. If rather be hugging you when you are alive, ja?" He waited until thought Mollymauk got it, then returned to his previous position: wrapped around Mollymauk.

They nodded, curled up tight around with him a big smile - days where Caleb held them were good days, touching-filled days, days where Molly could kiss his cheek all they wanted or climb atop his lap and only have minimal complaining.

Molly wanted to roll on top of him but they resisted, especially due to their weakened state where they'd rather he held them on his side. Wiggling, they turned so that their back was against his chest, humming happily.

Menace, Caleb thought. Mollymauk was a menace to his focus, to his drive, and to his heart. They'd found a soft spot in his heart and had driven themselves into it. Caleb needed to leave. He needed to tear Mollymauk out of himself to continue. But he'd hold them for now., Until the circus was ready to leave.

Mollymauk recovered at a quick pace - quicker than normal, in fact, but Gustav hugged them tightly the next day when they showed up perfectly fine, smiling at him.

The rest of the circus was glad and elated to find them okay and, as Caleb watched them all, he realized just how much Mollymauk fit within this ragtag group of strange people. He appreciated it. That would, that would be good for them, to have this comfort available. Caleb sighed in relief and slipped into the tent. He spent a moment gathering what he wanted - his old clothes, his spellbooks, a bedroll, and a sack, he took off his wizard's coat, then slipped out a second flap in the back of the tent instead of the one facing where everyone was greeting Mollymauk.

Caleb glanced around, confirmed that Mollymauk and the others couldn't see him, and left. He walked quickly, with purpose, straight for the town. He'd find someone willing to give him a ride in a cart for a gold piece. That would get him out of town and leave fewer tracks to follow.

There was a ruckus in the circus as everyone went back to packing the tents. It began with Mollymauk running everywhere, eyes confused and tail in knots. Gustav chanced a glance with Ornna as they asked for Caleb, told them the truth: they did not know where he was.

Mollymauk's eyes widened at that and, before Ornna could stop them, they were rushing out of the circus' campsite, off to the road that led towards town. Gustav rushed after them, grasping their waist, stopping them.

"Caleb! Caleb!" They shouted, tears already forming in their eyes.

"Mollymauk - Molly listen to me! If he left, it's for a reason -"

"Nein!" They sobbed, squirming in his grasp. "CALEB!" they shrieked.

Caleb stopped on the road and looked back, he almost swore he heard his name - it took him a moment, to see the two figures struggling clearly, and then he turned on his heel and kept walking. He didn't look back. Couldn't.

Which is why he didn't see Mollymauk nearly injured themselves again breaking free of Gustav, or have any idea of the risk for nearly another hundred feet, when he heard a gasped out, "Caleb!" and felt Mollymauk's arms wrapped around him. 

He stopped.

"Nein," they gasped out, breathless as Gustav tried to rush to them both. "Nein, d-don't l-leave! Please! Bitte, bitte, Caleb!"

They held onto him tightly, sobbing hard, their eyes squeezed shut as they held onto him, as they tried to keep their source of happiness close to them, as they tried to hold onto the person they loved the most.

Caleb shook his head, more at himself than Mollymauk. He...he couldn't do this, not with Mollymauk clinging to him like this. He shifted, then turned around in Mollymauk's arms. "Mollymauk." He had nothing to say for himself, no defense for his actions. He swallowed, then pressed his sack and bedroll into Mollymauk's hands. "Can you bring my things back? I need some time in town."

They blinked, fat tears still running down their cheeks as Gustav caught up to them both, frowning as Caleb put his things on Molly's arms.

"Come here," the half-elf whispered to them, soothing and gentle as they kept sobbing, clutching Caleb's belongings tight before following Gustav, their eyes never leaving Caleb, tail curled tight around their own thigh.

Caleb swallowed and turned around. He could leave it not now. He looked out on the town, Trostenwald, and the Ustaloch beside it, and walked on, numb with his decision to stay. He didn't want to. He didn't want this pain or responsibility. He didn't want this. But it was on him anyway. 

Caleb continued to wander the town until he saw a shop that looked more like a shed leaning on a house. Something about it... Felt like he could find something to apologize to Mollymauk with. He blinked again, then slipped inside Burnished Bibelots. He greeted the gnome, then began to walk around. He didn't find much, a book of Zemnian tales and a pair of sun and moon charms.

He bought both, the book and charms, then headed back to the circus.

"There, there, he'll be back anytime," Ornna sighed as she patted Molly's back, the blubbering tiefling clutching Caleb's bedroll like a lifeline, sobbing hard, choking on their cries. "Pelor knows you'll need some comfort when he truly does leave," she murmured under her breath

Molly didn't seem to hear her, rocking back and forth and for a moment she thought she heard again that damned word - empty.

Caleb winced when he saw Ornna's comfort and Molly crying. The only benefit to Molly crying so hard, if Caleb dared call it a benefit, was that Mollymauk didn't notice him until he had draped the ornaments into their horns. "There, a gift for sneaking away like that."

They lifted their head quick, eyes wide before throwing themselves at him, uncaring of the ornaments, uncaring of anything that shines unless they were his blue eyes, sobbing into his neck.

"Caleb, don't go," they begged, tail going around his waist, tears soaking the neck of his shirt, hands clutching at his front. "Don't go. Don't leave. Stay. Caleb stay! Bitte!"

Caleb didn't speak, instead silently planning his hands on Mollymauk's back and seeking out Ornna's eyes. He wanted to be her for advice. What was he supposed to do?

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Caleb held Mollymauk tighter, and in his native tongue whispered, "Du sollst nicht für mich weh getan. Ich habe in Panik verstetzt. Es tut mir aber leid."

"Stay," they breathed, still begging as they let their gentle weight rest on Caleb's strength, the wizard and tiefling sliding to the floor, Ornna slipping out of the tent, along with Gustav. "Bitte, bitte."

"I can't Mollymauk, I can't." Caleb swallowed thickly and hated himself. He should have kept going. It would hurt, of course, it would have hurt Mollymauk, but if he had kept walking it would have been once. But now Caleb was going to hurt Mollymauk again, worse. "I can't stay. But I said I'd teach you to read."

"No! Not leave, not leave," they shook their head, nose pressed to his. "Don't go - don't go - dontgodontgodontgo!" They suddenly pressed him to the floor, knees on his arms, sitting on his stomach, eyes fierce. "No leave!" they stated, fire in their eyes. "Caleb stay with me!"

Caleb hissed as his head hit something hard on the ground. It hurt, and his vision swam, seeing something dark in Mollymauk that he'd never seen before. A potential for possessive desire to become much worse. But his vision cleared, and he was simply in pain. He panted, blinked, felt Mollymauk's claws digging into his arms. "I-" Caleb broke off, that word alone hurt to utter. He blinked again, and his vision blurred.

"Stay!" They repeated, eyes blurring again with tears. "Stay, stay, stay!"

Caleb swallowed, "Molly-" he groaned again, as the pain spiked. "Pain, hurt." He couldn't even say the whole of Mollymauk's name from the pain in his head.

They frowned, sitting back before gently feeling around his head, gasping at the bump, eyes tearing up. "Sorry! I'm sorry! Sorry, sorry, sorry!" They sniffled, moving away from him quickly, eyes wide.

Caleb shifted away from the stone, and reached out to grab Mollymauk's hand. He squeezed it, then sighed, "Can't talk, sorry."

They pulled back, hands up, looking frankly scared. "No hurt," they seemed to promise.

Caleb forced himself not to nod for fear it would make him feel nauseous, and in instead said, "Ja, accident." He swallowed back the pain and continued, "You didn't mean it." He rolled to his side and breathed, then took one of his hands and delicately felt around the back of his head. There was some swelling and the slightest bit of blood.

Molly looked horrified as his hand came back bloody, feet quickly kicking them up in a standing position before running out if the tent.

Caleb gasped and groaned, then curled up tighter and just focused on breathing. He'd be fine, eventually, but he suspected he had a concussion. What a fool he was, to come back and let this happen.

"Molly - Mollymauk!" Ornna called as they rushed off, eyes on the tent, rushing in with angry steps. "The fuck happened, Widogast?!"

Caleb hissed and lifted his hands from the bump and cut on the back of his head. "Hit my head. Go - I'm fine, go to them."

She rushed out of the tent, following the tiefling as Caleb recuperated. He took a while to get reoriented but when Ornna came back, she was alone, bandage in hand, sitting beside him to fix up his head.

Caleb blinked, "Is Mollymauk -" he winced, "is Mollymauk alright?"

"They seem to think that they've hurt you and they will hurt you again," she explained. "So they're hiding in Toya's tent."

Caleb closed his eyes and shook with something that was like laughter, or crying without tears, he couldn’t quite tell… "He didn't mean to. Why does have these feelings too?"

"Because you've put them in their head," she replied dryly, not amused at all. "You're the one who said 'if I hurt anyone, I'm evil'. You've shown them that you don't deserve them and shit, right? This is what you've done - they don't think they deserve you now."

Caleb paled and started to shake his head, but abruptly stopped because it made him feel ill. "Scheisse, I'm not sure how I'm going to explain the differences."

But there were differences.

"What differences? Both views are stupid as fuck," she replied, eyes angry as she stood. "And you better explain that to them."

Caleb flinched, but gave a faint nod and tried to look suitably chastened. "Ja, I will tell them this. I will. Merely hurting someone, intentional or not, doesn't make a person evil or undeserving." He watched as Ornna left, then carefully stood. He sighed. He really did need to talk to Mollymauk. 

Caleb left the tent, wincing at the sunlight, then walked over to Toya's tent and ducked inside. "Toya, Kylre, can I have a moment to talk to Mollymauk?"

Toya looked up, frowning a bit but nodding, leaving the bundle of blankets in the middle of her tent. Molly's tail poked from under the blankets.

Caleb fidgeted with his hands, then sat down next to the pile of blankets as Kylre lumbered out after Toya. "Mollymauk, I have been told that some of my views about myself are rather skewed and that I have given you an even worse understanding of them than I have."

He took a deep breath, held it, and let it out. "I need to tell you a story, first. It is about a student of magic, recruited by a famous teacher. He wanted to do well, for his parents we who were poor farmers and for his country, which had given him the chance to learn. And when his teacher started teaching him to kill - criminals and traitors, the teacher said - the boy did it. He killed them with fire and made them scream, and he did it because he was told to... and he enjoyed it. He enjoyed it and did not question it, and when he learned his parents might be a threat to his country, he was eager to kill them and prove he was loyal to his country. He trapped his parents in their own home and burned it down around them."

He paused there and peeked at the pile of blankets. "That would be like you trapping everyone in a tent and killing them there, like we did those bandits, only without them fighting back."

They didn't move, tail twitching as the only sign that they were listening.

"Ja, a person who could kill someone who loves them like that, that's a garbage person. Hurting someone because you did not know a rock was in the ground? That is an accident. That has no bearing on whether you are a bad person or not."

Caleb hummed, and rubbed his face, "I am not the person to ask about ethics and morals. I try not to think about them. But you are one of the kindest, most joyful people I know, and deserve someone who will love you as much as you love them. That's why I don't deserve you. I can't - I can't care for you as deeply as you care for me."

They lifted the blanket slowly, their head peeking out, eyes watery but thankfully starting to dry. "Caleb care for me?"

Caleb hesitated, then nodded. "It doesn't mean much, from me. And you care much more for me than I do for you. You're a friend to me. I suspect I'm much more to you."

They blinked at him slowly, sitting up, watching Caleb with miserable eyes. "More?" they asked sadly, tail lying flat on the floor, shoulders hunching before they looked at themselves - at their hands, their legs, touching their face, trying to - to look for something before they finally found the word. "Ugly?" They asked quietly before their eyes filled with comprehension. "Annoying! Annoying. Nuisance. Menace. Bad." They were pointing at themselves, eyes asking questions, wondering why they weren't enough for him, why he didn't care as much.

Caleb shook his head and grabbed Mollymauk's hands, then placed them against his own chest. "Broken, hurt, by something I did. Do you understand? I did something to myself, and others, it makes it hard for me to feel anything but fear. You have lifted that fear and let me feel something else...but there is more that needs healing in my heart before I can do more than call someone a friend."

They frowned, eyes on his, their hands clutching at his shirt before shuffling closer. Mollymauk felt their heart race as they neared Caleb, thinking of all those tales Toya had told them, where everything was solved by a simple press of the lips.

"It's called a kiss," she'd explained. "People do that to tell each other 'I love you', yeah?"

"Caleb stay," they whispered, nose brushing his, heart on their throat. "Caleb stay because I love you."

And they pressed their lips to his, hoping he'd understand.

Caleb had already started to move backwards before Mollymauk had brought their lips together, so he simply continued the motion to separate them. "Mollymauk, scheisse. I need you to understand something else. Forcing a person or creature you love to stay with you can hurt them very badly, can make them hate you for denying them the chance to make their own choices. I want to care for you, I want to care for you as long as I know you, so, please, please don't make me promise to stay."

They sat there, quiet, watching him talk and they had the sudden realization that whatever they felt towards him, whatever made their heart beat wildly whenever he touched them, he did not feel it.

You can't make me stay, was what he was saying.

Mollymauk nodded at Caleb, feeling a sort of emptiness within them that they'd only first felt as they'd walked out of their grave, knees moving to their chest, eyes watering again. So much crying, so much pain. They didn't like it.

Caleb winced as Mollymauk curled into themselves and started crying. He extended a hand and paused, then put it on Mollymauk's shoulder. "I need to learn how to stop hurting you, Mollymauk. If I was a better friend I would make your life better, instead of hurting you so often."

They - for the very first time, with enough pain in their heart to do so, slapped his hand away, not wanting his touch.

Not wanting his pity.

Caleb nodded to himself and stood, then headed out of the tent to look for Ornna or Gustav. How the hell would he explain this to them?

"Mr. Caleb?" Toya frowned as he walked out of the tent. "Is Mollymauk okay?"

Caleb chewed his lip then knelt down, "Toya, I have a question. Do you know if Mollymauk has heard anything about kissing? Stories of a kiss breaking curses and such?"

She nodded, "Oh, yes, Mr. Caleb! I told him of the Princess and the Frog, the Wizard and the Hag, the Bard's Tale of Love - they love those!" She smiled.

Caleb sighed. "Toya, ah, tales like that, they're usually fun, but sometimes they make a person think that a kiss is all that's needed to get them the happy ending they want. Unfortunately, life doesn't always work that way, and Mollymauk just learned that." Caleb frowned down at his hands and then lifted one and trapped the side of Toya's head. "Ja, you remember that too, okay? A kiss won't make someone love you, and it can't make you stay where you don't want to be."

He stood up then and scratched his head. "Could you - could you bring me to Ornna or Gustav? I need to let them know, because I - I can't comfort him this time."

Toya looked at him with wide eyes, sadness written all over her face, Kylre rushing to her side as she gasped softly.

"But don't you love them?" She whispered, surprised. "We all - we all thought you did!'

Caleb's eyes widened, "Was? You all - Nein. I, I wish I did, it would make things easier, perhaps. It would make them happier. But... I did some things when I was young, and they make it very hard to care for anyone outside of myself. Mollymauk is the person I care for most, but that's not - I've been in love before, you see, so I know - what I feel for Mollymauk isn't romantic love."

She looked crushed at that, hands over her tiny little mouth as she sat on one of Kylre's feet. The creature placed one of his paws on her head as she looked at the tent.

"Oh," she mumbled. "That's... that's very sad. I think they're in love with you."

"Ja, they are." Caleb scuffed the toe of his boot in the dirt, he looked at Toya and Kylre, then sighed. "I'm going to find someone who can help them feel better."

Caleb slumped off, looking for Gustav - he'd be less likely to slap Caleb for not returning Mollymauk's affections - or Ornna - despite the fact that she most assuredly would. He found Ornna first.

"I don't love Mollymauk, I had to tell them that."

She almost tripped over the rope work she'd been doing, eyes wide, turning to him.

"You -" she breathed out a curse, gripping the rope tight. "Of course. Now they won't think any further of it. Good job, Widogast. You can finally leave at peace now."

Caleb shook his head, "Mollymauk told me that they loved me and -" his hand drifted to his lips, "and kissed me. Was I supposed to lie to them?"

"Nope! I just said good job, yeah?" She replied gruffly, shoulders tense. "You did what you had to do. Now you're free to fuck off for all I care, basically. Ain't no one happy that you led them on but hey, it's all clear now!"

Caleb raised an eyebrow at that. He hadn't realized Mollymauk had felt romantically toward him. Loved him, yes, but he had thought it was familial. He didn't say it though and instead sat down like a puppet with its strings cut. He didn't have the energy to leave again. Not right now.

"Ja, well, I can't provide any comfort for their broken heart, so if you are going to hit me, please do it now so someone they trust can help them."

"You think I care about you enough to actually waste energy on you? Nah," she replied, finishing up before running a towel through her forehead, cleaning her sweat. "I'll go comfort them, they'll be a proper mess. Dinner will be ready in ten. You better help in there."

"Ja, I will." Caleb rubbed his face and blinked, surprised at Ornna's restraint. Or perhaps she didn't know how badly he left Mollymauk? He'd have to expect one for a few days at least. He looked up again, to see if she'd left yet, and, seeing she had, Caleb stumbled to his feet. He might as well clean the dirt from his hands and start helping with dinner. If Gustav was there, he'd tell him.

That seemed like a reasonable enough plan of action. He washed his hands, then headed over to where dinner was being made. Gustav was, actually, there. How to start though? Caleb swallowed, "Gustav...I fucked up. I didn't know Mollymauk was in love with me."

He looked over at Caleb, and unvoiced doubt towards the wizard’s words before nodding, passing him a knife and pointing at the fresh lettuce they'd gotten yesterday.

"Help me out, come on," he said softly.

Caleb nodded, took the knife - had a flash, an image of holding the knife differently and - pushed the thought aside and eyes the lettuce. "Any particular way it should be cut?"

"Not really," he replied, voice quiet.

There was silence, then everyone began gathering for dinner, people being mostly quiet and trying not to look too much at Caleb. There was no hostility, not really, just awkwardness in most cases.

It was almost a shame there wasn't any hostility, Caleb wouldn't have fought it, but there was a need to under his skin to take a strike, to have someone care enough for his transgression to lash out. Still, he wrapped the awkwardness around himself and hunched over deep into his food until the end of the meal. "Is... Is there any change if sleeping arrangements to be made? I'm willing to sleep wherever I'm told to. Or take a different watch."

"You should speak to Molly about that," Ornna suddenly spoke as she walked in, the tiefling behind her, looking at the floor with tear tracks down their face, hand tight on their own tail.

There was shame and sadness and fear written all over their face as Ornna made them sit and grab a plate, placing herself between Caleb and Mollymauk.

Caleb nodded. "Mollymauk, whether you want to change our sleeping arrangements or not, I will listen to your preferences."

They flinched as he spoke to them and their eyes found the entire circus staring, panic swirling in their eyes, their hands starting to shake. Ornna reaches for their hand but Molly spoke, high-pitched and shaky.

"N-no," they said, trying to straighten up their shoulders. "No. It fine. It is fine. Fine. Okay. Sleeping fine."

Caleb ducked his head, ashamed for causing Mollymauk more distress, but quickly nodded. "Ja, okay." He stood, cleaned his dishes off quickly, and went to bed, more or less. It was early yet, so he cast dancing lights and pulled out the Zemnian book to read. It wasn't particularly interesting, more a bestiary of different fiends and demons than an actually storybook like he's initially thought. He was about to put it away when the next entry stopped him.

Devil toads, nergaliids. The illustration looked amazingly like Kylre. Well, that could be a coincidence. Still, it prompted Caleb to read that entry with more focused than before.

"You don't have to do this, you don't have to prove anything," Ornna sighed as Molly walked towards their tent. "He's a dick -"

"Dick?" They asked, not knowing what that meant.

"Yeah, dick. He's an asshole. A really stupid man," she explained.

"Dick." They nodded and Gustav chuckled behind Ornna. "I'm okay."

Caleb looked up as he heard the voices, and closed the book. He wanted to go back, find out who had sold it used to that gnome. And...he'd watch people, who had nightmares in the circus, who didn't - his mind ran, then suddenly quieted when he saw Mollymauk. The rush of his thoughts and instincts and concerns were simply...not as important as not fucking up further with them.

Mollymauk watched him for a moment, just a second - before their eyes went to the floor, wringing their tail, walking to the bedroll and sitting down on it, back to Caleb, curling up as tight as they could be.

Slowly, they brought their hand to their horns and took off the trinkets and decorations off them, including his, placing them above their bedroll.

"Gutten natch," they whispered before pulling the blanket over them entirely, a bundle of Molly, shaking and pretty soon sniffling.

Caleb nodded after Mollymauk's back was turned. "Gute nacht," he whispered and rubbed his face. He wouldn't do anything Mollymauk hadn't asked for, so he settled into his own bedroll and laid awake, incapable of spring while Mollymauk still cried.

And they cried well into the night, too, feeling lonely and scared and cold as they curled up further and further into a ball until they were choking on their tears, incapable of sleep, feeling a hole where joy had previously been.

Caleb finally shifted into his side and asked, "Mollymauk? Would you - would you like me to hold you? Or would you prefer I didn't?"

Molly immediately stopped crying, silence taking over the tent and almost as quick, Mollymauk was rushing into his bedroll, sobbing into his chest, desperately clinging to him.

"Sorry," they were crying. "Sorry, M-Molly stupid!"

Caleb clutched Mollymauk tight. "Stop saying that about yourself. You're no more stupid than I am, considering I couldn't see something everyone else did."

"Molly stupid," they sniffled, shaking hard, their entire body trembling. "Kiss for princess. Molly stupid, no princess. No frog. No dragon. Just stupid Molly."

Caleb felt a deep pang in his chest and gathered Mollymauk to him tighter. "It takes more than a kiss to heal a heart as blackened and bitter as mine." He sighed, his breath skimming through Mollymauk's curls.

"Do you remember the boy I told you about? Who killed his family in a fire?"

They nodded, starting to relax a little as Caleb held them tight. When his hand ran through their curls, they gave a visible shudder before relaxing fully, no longer tense as a board.

"That... That was me, Mollymauk. I did that. It broke something in me, or if I'm feeling charitable to myself, it showed me how broken I had become, doing anything for my nation without question. I'm still...I'm still angry at so much, at myself, the man who trained me, everything. So, my heart is in too many pieces to heal with a kiss."

They didn't say anything, listening to him, to the self-hatred imbued in his voice until he was panting, eyes stormy. Mollymauk didn't know much about anything but they did know one thing.

"Past gone," they murmured, tapping his cheek. "Past no more. Past is past. Now is now. Now Caleb good. Now Caleb gentle. Caleb correct," they told him softly.

Caleb let out a bitter, breathy laugh. "I still hurt Mollymauk. I don't feel complete. And how can I be correct when I've hurt you so much? The past lives in my head and heart. It's eating my now."

"Don't," they murmured, hand moving to his face, cupping it, looking conflicted. "Molly -" they sighed, looking frustrated "I want - you - past -" they seemed like they didn't know how to say it, words still not making that much sense to them.

Mollymauk sat up, frowning at Caleb before their eyes lit up with an idea and they pointed at themselves. "I," they began. "Friends!"

And they leaned down and kissed the top of his head, then lowered their lips to the middle of his chest and kissed it as well, pulling back.

"Molly help," they murmured.

Caleb waited patiently for Mollymauk to finish, then smiled and raised a hand to cup Mollymauk's cheek in return. "You do help, more than anyone or anything else I've experienced."

They seemed to completely light up at that, their cheeks turning a reddish, deep plum color as he touched their face, leaning into it, their eyes closing slightly and their tail flicking with happiness.

"Want help Caleb," they murmured, sighing softly

Caleb smiled, only for the soft warmth spreading through him to be interrupted by a yawn. "Ah, perhaps you should help me sleep? Before we start to worry about how else you'll help me."

They nodded, yawning as well, stretching like a cat before resuming their usual position half on top of him, smiling as his arm came around their waist, tail winding around his knee.

"Gutten natch, Caleb," they murmured.

"Gute nacht." Caleb settled his arm around Mollymauk's lower back, and, just like that, he was asleep.

\---

It was a week later that Caleb sleep slipped into a tent where Gustav was currently working alone. "Gustav, can I speak to you for a moment?"

The elf turned to him, eyebrows raising in curiosity. "Oh, yeah, sure! What's going on?"

Caleb pulled out the book of Zemnian tales and showed it to Gustav, then in his native language, asked, "Can you read Zemnian?"

Gustav blinked, shoulders squaring, already defensive as he looked at Caleb with distrusting eyes. "A bit," he replied.

"Ja, I, uh, I just want to get my facts straight," Caleb said, switching back to common. "The gnome I bought this from said it was odd someone else from the circus bought this. He couldn't remember anything else about the seller, but I read it and... I've been paying attention since. Toya had nightmares nearly every night. You have them when she doesn't. So, is Kylre a nergaliid?"

Gustav sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose, looking at Caleb with distrust as he thought hard of his answer. The wizard was obviously smart - way too smart for his own fucking good.

"Yeah," he said. "Yeah, he is, but we volunteer, Caleb. This is - we have a system, yeah?"

Caleb nodded, "Tell me about it. Kylre doesn't leave husks or hasn't yet, and I...prefer not being noticed. If I can help keep things running smoothly I'd prefer that."

"Look, you - don't worry about it, yeah? He doesn't feed that way," Gustav replied, hand on Caleb's shoulder. "He feeds off Toya and I and trust me, if you think you can convince her otherwise, you're wrong. She doesn't even notice, she forgets the nightmares as soon as she wakes up. It's fine."

Caleb shifted from foot to foot. "Nein, I - I suppose I'm volunteering as well, while I'm here."

"Nonsense," Gustav replied, frowning at Caleb. "I'm sure you've enough nightmares on your own. We keep it to two people, Caleb, and it's final. Gods know you need sleep - and so does Mollymauk."

Caleb looked briefly horrified, "I wouldn't volunteer them -" and then he cut himself off and looked chastened. "Ah, they, they've been helping me sleep through mine, haven't they? That is why I haven't been remembering as many."

"At the last town, they found a small enchantment to make someone sleep easier, Ornna helped them," Gustav nodded, crossing his arms, sitting down with a sigh. "You underestimate them a lot, Caleb. They seem to be fine-tuned to whatever magic is in their blood."

Caleb grimaced, "I know they're better than they think, but, ja, I'm in the dark as to how far that goes. But that isn't magic in their blood, that's how much they help me without me noticing."

"Just - don't worry about Kylre," Gustav replied, waving it all off.

Caleb sighed and nodded. "Ja, okay, I trust you." He paused, then handed the book to Gustav. "You can deal with this as you wish."

"Alright," he nodded, pausing before turning to him. "Ornna went to town with Mollymauk. Perhaps you can have some peace for a moment - they were going to buy clothes, I think. So you can read in peace."

Caleb nodded, have the book a slight toss, then it inked it into his coat. "Thank you."

"Don't mention it," he replied with a gentle smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Summary:  
> Caleb wakes up feeling like shit, and has been since his emotional breakdown last chapter, but realizes that the Circus is getting snuck up on and sounds an alarm. Everyone comes out of the attempted bandit attack alright except Mollymauk, who is badly wounded from trying to protect Caleb.
> 
> Caleb and Molly have a tender moment as Caleb bandages Molly, and once Molly's asleep and then recovered enough to talk to the other members of the circus, Caleb tries to sneakaway, too shaken by the fact that Molly was so injured trying to protect him and not wanting to see it again. But Mollymauk chases after and Caleb hands his pack back to Molly as a promise to return. He wonders the nearest town and buys books (including on on fiends) and trinkets for Molly.
> 
> When he returns Molly Gets physical with his insistence that Caleb stay, and accidentally pushes Caleb, who hits his head on something hard. Molly freaks out and runs away, while Caleb can't move particularly fast because of the concussion. Ornna comes in and checks out Caleb's head, tells him Molly thinks they're a monster for hurting Caleb, then sends him to the tent Molly's hiding in.
> 
> Caleb tries to explain the difference between intended harm and accidental, along with why he considered himself monstrous, but telling a disjointed, third-person version of his backstory. Mollymauk still only cares about getting about Caleb to stay, and kisses him and confesses to being in love with him. Caleb responds that as much as he cares about Mollymauk, He doesn't love him and doesn't deserve it, then tries to find someone who can comfort molly's broken heart.
> 
> The Chapter ends with Caleb talking to Gustav some time later about the book on fiends he found, and confirms that Kylre is one, etc.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two months into traveling with the circus, things feel a bit more settled until they aren't

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! This is our first foray into explicit territory and it's a Doozy! The Tag to watch out for this time is: Consent Issues.
> 
> The Chapter will be summarized at the end of the chapter again!

"Somewhere I have never t-tra - tru -" Molly sighed, crossing their legs, eyes on the pages of the book Caleb had told them to read aloud. "Somewhere I h-have never t-trav...travelled! Travelled," they smiled up at Caleb, who nodded, gestured for them to keep going. "Gadely - gladely - g-gladly beyond any ex-pe- " they frowned, pulling the book closer to them. "Exoperieence!"

"Close, very close. Try again. And if you don't know how to say it, try telling me what it means."

"Ex-pe- exxxxpe -" they sighed, taking a deep breath before running their finger through the letters. "experience! Gladly beyond any experience!"

"Ja, there you go." Caleb smiled at Mollymauk. He moved closer but took care not to bump them and move their finger. "That's the word."

"Experience," they murmured. "What does experience mean?" They asked, cocking their head. "And gladly?"

"Gladly means...happily, with joy and eagerness." Caleb's brow furrows as he considered experience, however. "Experience is like...one's past, the total of their life and what they've learned from it. Or it can be an event, a moment, the act of living in a moment and adding it to that sum total." 

"Okay," they nodded before going back to reading aloud.

From time to time, they asked the meaning of a word, their tail flicking on Caleb's knee.

Caleb guides them through it, and at the end, he hugs Mollymauk. "You're improving so quickly! Wunderbar! Now, this is a piece of poetry, just reading it and knowing the words doesn't always convert all the meaning. Do -" Caleb paused then forged on, "do you want me to perform a reading of it? Recite things so you can hear the rhythm of the words?"

They nodded rapidly, smiling wide and shoving the book into his hands, sitting back with their tail still tapping his knee.

Caleb nodded back. "Right, then can you move your tail a bit slower?" Here waited as Mollymauk concentrates and slows the tapping, then smiles and behind from the top, finishing the first verse and moving to the second.

"Your slightest look easily will unclose me though I have closed myself as fingers, you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens (touching skilfully, mysteriously) her first rose"

He met Mollymauk's eyes, delighted to feel their tail match the beat inherent in the words and the way that reciting them to Mollymauk felt true in a way simple true statements couldn't. 

"Or if your wish be to close me, I and my life will shut very beautifully, suddenly, as when the heart of this flower imagines the snow carefully everywhere descending..." 

Mollymauk sighed, hand on their cheek, listening to Caleb, their eyes falling shut.

In the few weeks since Caleb had attempted to leave, their feelings had only gotten stronger, if only because the wizard refused to be anything but kind and gentle with them.

Mollymauk had found themself daydreaming from time to time of his lips on theirs, of his eloquent wording whispering into their ear.

Caleb finished the poem and closed the book softly. He took a long moment to admire Mollymauk's peaceful expression, then said, "You know, it has been almost two months since I started teaching you to read. Actually, it's been two months since we joined the carnival. I wonder if we should celebrate?" 

Their eyes opened and they nodded quickly, grinning, half-climbing his lap, "Yes! Celebrate! I want to celebrate! Ahh - party! Party, party, party!" they bounced a little, giggling, quickly getting to their feet before rushing out of the tent, already yelling for Ornna and Gustav.

Caleb gave a surprised grunt to have a bouncing tiefling in his lap, but fortunately, it didn't last long or hurt much. He stood slowly, wondering if he'd made a mistake with the suggestion. Well, one way to find out. He stood slowly and grabbed his wizard's robes, swirling it about his shoulders, then glanced in the mirror to check that the makeup in his beard and hair hadn't faded. That done, he stepped out and looked around for the commotion Mollymauk was bound to be causing.

"A party, hmm?" Gustav rubbed his chin, watching the tiefling bounce on their heels - then watching Toya give him big, big eyes - even Kylre seemed to be begging for this party, the three of them watching the director with clasped hands. "Well, I guess a party never hurt anyone, hm?"

"Almost never," Caleb said as he joined them. "It...it could be fun. Those of us with the clothes and desire to could dress up. Music, dancing." He gave half a shrug and a small smile. "We could get some nicer food in town. I have some money I haven't spent on every book I've seen."

"Alright, alright, we'll make a party," Gustav chuckled and Mollymauk rushed to hug him, making the elf laugh. "Yes, yes, you can wear that pretty dress Ornna got you."

"I'm happy!" they stated loudly before rushing off to their tent, Toya quickly following them.

Dress? Caleb's mind stuttered on that thought; he hadn't known Mollymauk owned a dress. He wondered, for a moment, what kind it was, then slammed his mind shut on that path. "Should I head to town and get the food, or do you think we should eat at a place there, Gustav?" 

"I think it's best if we bring the food to us," Ornna replied, crossing her arms and Gustav nodded. "Here, we can bother no one. We'll celebrate at our own pace."

Caleb nodded. "Ja, that does sound more enjoyable." He let himself sink into the spirit of planning the party, going to town with Ornna and Bo to collect food and even some drink. They came back relatively quickly and started cooking.

"Molly, Molly, stop!" Toya laughed as she rushed into the space where Caleb and Ornna were cooking, hiding behind the human man and pointing at the tent area. "Caleb! Molly's being mean to me! They're tickling me! Save me!"

Caleb blinked, then put on his show wizard persona, snagged a stick and drew a circle around Toya. "There, it's a circle of protection, as long as you stay within it no one can breach it, not even me." He winked, then pantomimed knocking on this air, clicking his tongue everyone his knuckles stopped at the circle. "You can leave whenever you want, but I can only do this once a day, ja?"

Toys giggled and nodded, "Yeah, okay! But are you suuuure they can't get through because they're coming!"

Caleb turned around and finally saw Mollymauk, grinning and delighted in the dress. It wasn't a perfect fit, in fact, it was tight on their shoulders, sagged through the chest, and hung limply around their hips but - Caleb swallowed. He didn't think he'd ever seen Mollymauk as purely happy as they were at that moment. 

But he put on the fake wizard persona and stood with his arms wide, "Back, bewitching demon, the young dwarf has asked for my protection and I have granted it." He broke character, let his arms fall, "I can see why you got the dress; it suits you, Mollymauk Tealeaf."

They paused as he spoke, eyes wide in a joking manner, about to adopt an aggressive pose when he complimented them and their face about turned the brightest shade of purple he'd ever seen. Their knees knocked together and they looked at the floor, cheeks alive with color, tail in knots, "T-thank you," they murmured, inexplicably shy. They'd worn the dress because they wanted to but Caleb thought it suited them, whatever it was. It sounded good.

Caleb moved closer, "Mollymauk, are you alright?"

"Mr. Caleb, you've flustered them!" Toya giggled from her circle as Molly turned their back to Caleb, tail straight as they blushed further, shoulders hunched. Ornna let out a loud laugh, slapping Caleb's back. 

"You look wonderful, Mollymauk," she smiled and they turned to her and hid their face on her shoulder, eyes on Caleb, waving a little at him.

Caleb nodded and scratched into his beard. "Ja. Come, food is ready." He looked around, seeing the entire circus gathered. 

Gustav clapped his hands and stood. "Two months ago we gained new faces, and now we're celebrating their time with us, however long it may last. We have good food, good drink, and all of tonight to have fun. Let's eat, and enjoy."

Everyone cheered on that and as soon as Gustav finished, casks of ale were opened, music began to pour out and Mollymauk was pulling on Bo's hands to dance, eyes alight, body moving terribly along to the music.

Toya joined them soon after, letting Bo go, and Molly's eyes always strayed to Caleb but they did not ask for a dance, nor did they move towards him.

Caleb avoided the dancing, for the most part, until Mollymauk had danced with everyone else, even Desmond, still on his fiddle. Only then did Caleb step forward and moved to Mollymauk as the first strings of a waltz drifted from the musician. "Ah, I know this one, Mollymauk, do you want me to teach you?" 

The tiefling turned, eyes wide with surprise as they realized Caleb was talking to them, the lights of the torches they'd lit catching on the jewelry they wore on their horns and ears, his jewelry, their smile dazzling as they nodded.

"Yes!" They took his hand, stepping close.

Caleb settled their hands and lead Mollymauk in the steady sway and turn of a waltz. He didn't try to get fancy with it, except when one or the other stumbled, and there he'd pull back and twirl Molly to hide the misstep and make them smile. It was peaceful, and gods help him, it feels like some piece of him was being knitted back into place.

Mollymauk felt their face start to burn once more and they quickly hid their blush on his shoulder, hands against his chest, their heart beating wildly. Caleb was so important to them to see him smile and laugh and watch the wind move his hair while his blue eyes danced with joy... it felt intimate, gentle, and their heart gave a painful thud.

Caleb hummed, "Mollymauk, you're posture needs to be straighter. Rest your chin against my head, ja? Then I can step closer to you."

"I'm good here," they responded, eyes closing before their arms went around his neck, merely hugging him, uncaring if it was maybe too much. Their chest was swelling with that emotion they linked to Caleb, something warm and soft yet horribly painful. It made them want to laugh and cry at the same time and it was incredibly addicting, the frantic beating of their heart.

Caleb let out a puff of breath and used his hand on Mollymauk's back to gently hug them. "Are you getting tired?"

"Mhmm," they lied, nodding slowly. In truth, it wasn't tiredness, it was lethargy. They were comfortable, they were warm in his embrace and they were terribly in love with Caleb. If going to bed meant he'd stay beside them, holding them, then they'd gladly go to bed.

"I am too." Caleb stifled a yawn, then started guiding Molly to the edge of the gathering. "I am going to dance our way to our bed if you'd like?"

"Okay," they laughed softly, gently moving their feet on top of his so he could guide them both easily to the tents.

Caleb twirled them out as the waltz faded, and when Desmond moved to a new song, Caleb began humming the waltz over from the beginning. Then they were at their tent, and Caleb kept humming the waltz as they entered, and he shrugged off his robe and pulled off his boosters and over tunic. He hummed it as he stood beside the bedrolls the two of them shared and lowered himself into them, giving Mollymauk time to undress like usual.

They didn't undress this time, however, simply falling beside him in their bedrolls, put together a long time ago, their face burrowed into his neck and their hands settling on his chest, happily closing their eyes.

Caleb settled his arm around Molly like usual but frowned slightly. He stopped humming abruptly. "Your skin is softer than the dress."

They giggled slightly, pulling back, "I didn't know," they hummed, sitting up and finally taking off their dress, throwing it anywhere before settling back against him, curling up into his chest. "Better?"

Caleb must have been tired, or perhaps somewhat tipsy, because he slid his hand up and down Mollymauk's spine, settling it right above their tail, then murmured, "Ja, das ist besser." He shifted, lifting Molly just enough so he could slide lower and press his face into their neck. "Besser, ja." 

They breathed heavily, blood roaring in their ears as Caleb moved closer to them as touch his lips to their throat, their entire body running hot and their toes curling. This was better than the other feeling. It was there, too, but the new thing that ran through their veins felt like molten lava, their hands softly carding through his hair as he fell asleep.

And Caleb did fall asleep, almost immediately. Mollymauk did not.

They felt hot all over, restless, their canines nibbling on their lower lip as a need grew between their legs and they rolled Caleb on his back, their skin too tight, their body squirming as their cock brushed his leg. Molly let out a soft whine, nose burrowing into Caleb's shoulder as they began to rock their hips into his thigh, feeling pleasure coursing through their veins at the action.

The tiefling panted into Caleb's shoulder, gripping his shirt before they reached the peak of it, their knees locking and a soft little mewl escaping their lips, gentle smile on their mouth as they finally were able to fall asleep.

Caleb woke nearly half an hour later to the sensation of cooling cum on his thigh. "Oh, scheisse." He swore into Mollymauk's neck, then squeezed his eyes shut from embarrassment. Of all the things to do, having a wet dream and cumming in his pants with Mollymauk on top of him was...it was...Caleb bit his lip as his eyes went wide. He couldn't even remember the last time he'd deliberately sought to get off. Even with the temptation of Mollymauk so close, this was a first since his tend. If a piece of him had been knitted back into himself last night dancing, why had it been his libido? He had thought, or hoped, that it was some gentler and better piece from his childhood.

He swallowed. There was nothing to do about it now, not without waking Mollymauk. He'd have to take care of the mess in the morning. 

Mollymauk awoke late in the morning, happy and warm and bundled in blankets and Caleb's embrace, their nose running through the length of his neck when Caleb abruptly pushed them away, their eyes widening, confusing made clear in the form a strange noise in their throat. "Huh?" they yawned. "What is wrong, Cay-leb?"

Caleb flushed red from the tips of his ears to his chest. "I- I need to clean - clean up." He winced, the cum having dried his hair to his pants. "I, uh, seen to have done a thing I thought I had grown out of." He made the noise again and pressed his lips tightly together.

They cocked their head, confused, "What did you do?" they frowned.

"Ah, I-" Caleb stood and started shucking off his pants. He frowned and put on his old pair for now. "I had a, a dream, that, uh, made me feel good until I came." He held up his pants and showed Mollymauk the white stain on the dark fabric, then squinted at it. "Or, thought I did? But this looks like it's on the outside of my pants."

Caleb's flush returned. "Mollymauk, ah, did...did you...make yourself feel...very good, possibly the best you've ever felt against me last night?"

"Mhmm." They nodded, busy looking for their dress, not knowing exactly where they'd thrown it. "Very good!"

The noise returned, somehow sounding more strangled and distressed than before. He looked around and, seeing Molly's dress, handed it to them. "Clothes, now, please. I don't quite have the words to explain and I'm going to bring you to Gustav, while I clean my pants. You, ah, you made a mess of them."

They frowned, looking genuinely guilty, "I'm sorry. I not know that happen. It just feel good."

Caleb made an effort to show the jittering nerves dancing through him. "Ja, I don't blame you this time, und, I would explain, but I don't know how? I'm hoping Gustav might." Caleb chewed his lip then said, "I don't mind you seeking that feeling in our tent, but you should know that it will make a mess on anything in front of you, and I would, I would prefer not to have this kind of mess on me, ja?" 

They nodded, hands clenched in front of themself, eyes a bit wide with guilt, "Ja, okay," they said quietly, knowing they were in trouble.

He smiled, and tapped Mollymauk's head, "Just for the future, I don't blame this time on you, you didn't know." He smiled again and patted Mollymauk's cheek before stepping away. 

They visibly relaxed at that and nodded, smiling before leaving the tent.

The explanation was - intriguing, to say the least. Mollymauk learned that day what everyone had been practically avoiding since they'd arrived at the circus. In the end, it was Ornna who pushed all incompetent assholes away, sat down and explained to Molly what sex and sexuality were, what self-pleasure meant and the social norms around it. By the time she was done, it was afternoon and Molly was hellishly ashamed of their actions, eyes on the floor as they walked around the circus site, unable to go back to the tents. 

Caleb, in the meantime, had gone to the nearest place he could clean his clothes and begun to do just that. He started with just the pants, but as he soaked them he realized that the coat of his undertunic felt oddly crusty, and so peeled that off. He looked at it and stared. He started blushing again when he realized that Mollymauk had put their mouth there, had panted and possibly dropped on him.

Unlike earlier, however, it wasn't from embarrassment. Instead, the idea was...appealing as a fantasy. The thought of waking up with Mollymauk pressed against him, wanting him like that sent a bolt of answering fire to his groin. He knew that actually waking up like that would make him panic harder even then waking up thinking he had a wet dream, but...

What a fantasy it was. 

He finished cleaning his clothes in a rush and hung them up, then looked down at his hands and around the circus. It was morning still, and everyone seemed busy. 

Caleb wandered back to the tent he and Mollymauk shared and tried to ignore the heat and weight of his cock. Yet all it took to draw a low groan from his throat was the thought of waltzing with Mollymauk. Caleb was certain that the image of Mollymauk in that dress would haunt his dreams. Ill-fitted as it was, as tackily bright as the colors were, Mollymauk had looked beautifully happy, entirely breathtaking in a way that was lodged in Caleb's mind and had prevented him from pushing them away. They had been all but plastered to his side the entire evening, until the dancing, and Caleb had allowed himself to enjoy it because the only thing more beautiful than Mollymauk in a dress was Mollymauk's delight at Caleb's hand resting on the small of their back as they pressed into him, kissed his forehead, nuzzled his neck.

Caleb's hand drifted down, fondling himself slightly beneath his clothes. He should stop before Mollymauk asked about it.

Caleb blinked. He was alone. Mollymauk wasn't here. 

He gasped and began fumbling with the layers of his clothes to get his hand around himself. He was half-hard merely thinking of Mollymauk in that damn dress with that utter delight at such simply contact. Caleb rolled his neck, felt the dried stiffness of his shirt collar and moaned at the reminder. Mollymauk had been awake last night their face pressed into Caleb's neck as they got off against Caleb. They had spilled their cum on him.

Caleb's cock filled in his hand before he could start moving, and he moaned again. He pressed a hand to his mouth. "Mollymauk." He dragged his other hand forward on his cock, towards the head and tightened his grip. Mollymauk pressed against him. Caleb imagined waking up to that, in some other version of the world where he deserved Mollymauk's interest. Mollymauk's mouth open against his neck, with wet, panting breaths until Caleb turned and captured those lips, pulled Mollymauk closer to him and shifted Molly's hand from their cock to his own.

His hand would close around Molly's stroking them, memorizing the shape of their hard cock, kissing them and holding them close. He would shift them, so their cocks pressed together and Molly could pump them both and Caleb could, would, Caleb would explore their body, find every spot that made them gasp, made them try to speak or moan or shake. When Molly spilled their seed it would be on Caleb's bare skin and Caleb's cum would paint Molly in turn. He would grin to Molly and Molly would grin back, and they would both fall asleep entwined together -

Caleb, in reality, bit down on his palm as he came.

Caleb put himself back together slowly, shame filling him for letting himself act on lust like that. At least, at the very least, he hadn't used any of Mollymauk's clothes to get off into. He shook faintly, just from the guilt, and kicked some dirt over his cum, before he got dressed again and wandered out into the more public area of the circus, searching out any job he could do for the others. He spent his time like that until dinner.

Mollymauk fell asleep while reading, taking a short nap, and it wasn't until Toya nudged them to tell them that dinner was ready that they realized just how much they'd slept.

Caleb sat next to Mollymauk and pressed their arms together. "I just wanted to remind you, because you aren't smiling like your usual self-" and Caleb craved that smile, "you didn't know any of what you've learned today last night. So I hold no grudge against you. And there are things I want to give you permission for, but...perhaps not at dinner, ja?" 

They frowned, not understanding much but nodding anyway, happy that Caleb wasn't acting strange or pushing them away, their head falling on his shoulder as they kept eating. "Okay. Later."

Dinner was significantly less awkward after that exchange, and once dishes were clean, Caleb collected Mollymauk and bright them back to the tent. "I don't want you feeling ashamed for self-pleasure, so, I will never object to you seeking it, provided you don't cum on me or my clothes without my approval for that specific time. I - I'm not going to object to getting off in this tent, so long as you have consent from anyone who's involved or whose property is involved, ja?" Caleb met Mollymauk's eyes, and his brows furrowed, "ahhh, consent was explained to you, ja?"

"Consent is important. Anything but yes means no," they repeated, nodding. Caleb was speaking as if - as if they could ask him to do the things Ornna had said people do.

Touching. Kissing. Taking off each other's clothes and - doing that.

Molly chewed on their lower lip, fire igniting in their belly.

"Ja, gute. Ah, but you should let anyone, you should let them know I might see? Some people don't like that." Caleb blushed and looked away, rubbing his neck as he spoke.

"I don't like anyone to touch me there," they said, frowning before just deciding to be honest. "I like you. But you don't like me. So there is no one I want to touch me."

Caleb sucked in his breath and sucked it in again. He couldn't seem to breathe out, and each breath in feet too shallow, too fast. It made his head swim. "Mollymauk." And their name seemed to do it, Caleb held and counted, then forced the air from his lungs, counting, always counting, he breathed in, held, released. "Love, you used to love before, Mollymauk. I'm sorry, I should have remembered your feelings." Caleb swallowed down his fear and continued, "Love is different than just liking, and I think you were right to call your feelings that. I like you, you love me? And that's...something I'm still working on. Those missing pieces I need to love...and to do so openly, as you deserve. I'm still too - too scared to pursue even how much I like you, und, gods know I like you more than anyone I've been around for years-" Caleb shut his mouth, realizing that he was babbling.

They didn't understand a thing, confused, "I - Ornna said I don't love you because only people who make me fully happy deserve love - my love."

They were so confused. They liked him but he didn't like them but he did like them - what did he even mean?

Caleb grimaced. "Ja, I think I can agree that I don't deserve it, but feelings, they...feelings don't wait for things like deserving? But how you act, and what you decide to do with those feelings, that should. If I don't deserve your love, you horde that feeling in you, hold it close, and only give it out when it's earned."

They were so...they didn't know how all of this made them feel. Molly pressed a hand to their chest as it burned, uncomfortable and inexplicably angry with Caleb.

"I don't like it," they whispered, shoulders curling inwards. "Go away. I don't want it. I don't like it."

Caleb stopped, stopped as something fragile and new in him shattered. He took off the wizard robe and - and walked. He walked out of the tent, and past Ornna, and Bo, and Toya and Kylre, and Gustav, and Desmond. Caleb wasn't sure which direction he was heading, and he wasn't moving fast. He really was walking, and just walking, a slow careful, easy walk.

Molly called after him, scared and confused about this strange feeling within them that made them feel so uncomfortable but Caleb just kept walking. Angered, hurt and feeling dismissed and unimportant, Molly sat on the tent with their arms crossed, with their heart in their hand, wondering why they wore it on their sleeve is Caleb was just going to step on it.

Caleb only got half a mile before his mind started up again. Why was he walking away? What was he doing? 

Ja, Mollymauk had told him to leave, but that could have been the tent, for ten minutes, not the circus with nothing. He hasn't even grabbed his old cloak or blue tunic - he had no intent to leave such a perfect garment there and.

And.

Mollymauk had called him back. He didn't think he imagined that.

"Oh, now you stop. Caleb, what's gotten into you?" Gustav panted.

Caleb turned around. "I don't know, I think - nein, I have no idea what prompted that." There was still something, some small sharp edge of pain in his heart, but he couldn't label it. He didn't understand the cause, or why it felt like a crack had formed in him. 

"It's going to rain tonight. You don't even have your coat, let alone a tent."

"Ja, I...I don't actually want to leave right now." Caleb shook his head at himself, then started back to the circus. Ten minutes, and he could be - he could be apologizing to Mollymauk, because that, that sure would have hurt them.

Gustav walked ahead, faster, longer steps carrying the circus master up the slope faster. He slipped into Mollymauk's tent. "You know, Caleb didn't take anything with him. It was the oddest thing, like he was in a trance, and then he just stopped." 

They huffed, back to him, angrily burrowed into their bedroll, "Good! He's stupid! Caleb is really, really, really stupid!" they shouted, shoulders hunching.

"He's also coming back." Gustav patted their shoulder and sighed. "Honestly, the two of you..well, I need to get to my tent before -"

Thunder burst overhead followed immediately by the sound of sheeting rain drumming on canvas tents. "Well, before that." Gustav made a face. "Or perhaps I'll wait."

Minutes passed, and then Caleb called from outside, "Mollymauk? Can I come in?"

Mollymauk hesitated before turning their head, watching him through narrowed, blood-red eyes. Their hand moved in a welcome nature but their eyes were harsh. "Go on?" they said, imitating Ornna.

"Never mind that how I did it will likely get me sick; you only told me to go away, not - not leave like that. I know you don't like being left, and I should have asked what you meant. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I let some - some pain I don't understand stop me from thinking."

"What pain?" they asked - demanded, eyes on him. They finally faced Caleb. "Explain! Explain to me! Explain feelings and pain and -" They sobbed a little. "I feel pain when you go away! Why?!"

"I can't… Explain. I don't understand it any better than you do." Caleb shivered in his soaked clothes. "But it hurts to feel like you're losing someone you care for. And every time I've left, I've never said I'll come back."

Caleb blinked, surprised at his own words because with them came a realization. "I want to come back. To you. I still - nein, that's not the way to say it." Caleb bit his lip, sorted through his thoughts. "I told you once, that there were missing pieces of myself out there, in the world. One day I might leave to look for them. Would you come with me? It will hurt to leave the circus because the people here are your home, but we can find them again. Or, if you'd allow me, I want to come find you, if you won't leave."

What went unsaid, what Caleb could not bring himself to utter, was that Mollymauk was his home now. "Home is where you always come back to. Or the people you come back to." Caleb shivered again, harder, water sprinkling off of him. 

Mollymauk watched Caleb with soft eyes, tail curled around their own thigh before sighing and walking over to him, starting to take off his wet layers.

"Cold," they told him in a whisper, gently kissing his cheek. "Take them off. I -" they pursed their lips. "You said, ‘I don't love you.’ You said that. You made pain in my heart. Why do you say I'm your home now?"

Caleb blinked, blue eyes searching for something inside himself. Had he said that? He hadn't spoken the words, but Mollymauk was right. Caleb had meant it. So, then, why?

He kept thinking, going pliant and letting Mollymauk help him take off his clothes down to his undershirt, and occasionally leaning into their warmth.

Finally, as he was nearly completely naked, he said, "Because there are different types of love, maybe? And all I know is that... I feel better with you. Peace and like I could be worth something. I'm too afraid to look closer and name that feeling."

"You love me not as I love you," they began slowly, eyes finding his, sad and defeated. Their hands stopped on his shirt, shaking a little, face downturned. "No kiss for Molly."

They hunched their shoulders - they knew this. They knew this. Yet they'd let themself walk back once more into his arms just because he smiled at them. Molly felt weak and stupid.

Caleb let his hands fall and ignored the tears rolling down his cheeks. He stood there as Mollymauk settled themselves, then walked over to his own bedroll and curled up on it.

He didn't pull any blankets over himself in some futile hope that the chill would hold the nightmares at bay. Unfortunately, he could already feel the flames living in his thoughts. Tonight would be a rough one, and his last thought as the nightmare started was that he didn't want to burn Mollymauk. He didn't want to see his tiefling talking to his parents through the window as he pushed the cart in place and trapped then inside with Matti and Vati to burn in the flames he called from his fingers.

He didn't want it, but of course he did. Nightmares weren't kind.

"Caleb - Caleb!" Molly called, shaking him until he woke -

Flames engulfed their arms as he grasped onto them, eyes wide, a scream tearing through his throat but Molly just gritted their teeth and bared through it until he calmed down, hands on his face.

Caleb's blue eyes were wide with shock as he slowly returned to waking. He panted and, and then he saw that he'd burned Mollymauk, that it wasn't residual memories of his nightmare.

"Mollymauk. Nein, Nein. I hurt you. I burned you. Mollymauk." Caleb knew he was crying, but that didn't matter, he'd made his nightmare real in some small way. "I never wanted to do this to you."

"I'm tiefling. I don't mind fire," they said softly, feeling around his sweaty face, eyes concerned. "What happened? Nightmare so bad you screaming.”

Caleb let out a sob and leaned into Mollymauk. "My nightmares are memories, always the night I trapped my parents in my childhood home and burned them to death. I - this one was worse. Different. You were there, eating dinner and talking to them. I trapped you in the house too. I burned my home: you, Matti, Vati, and where I grew up. Everything I've ever -" another sob shook him and stole his voice, then another, and another. He shook like a leaf in the storm still raging outside. 

Molly held him to their chest, rubbing his back, pressing kisses to his head as he cried. "I'm here," they whispered, holding onto him, letting him clutch at them. "I'm alive. I'm here."

Slowly, slowly, Caleb quieted. He pressed his eyes and nose into Mollymauk's neck, and when he found his voice again, he whispered in a dull voice, "I don't want to kill you," as if he would, as if it was written in stone.

"You won't," they replied, pulling him even closer to them. "I - I trust you."

"I've killed nearly everyone I lo- I burned everything that was home to me. I burned you, just now." Caleb cried fresh tears into Mollymauk's neck. "I'm, Mollymauk, I'm so scared that I will. That I will have to if I admit what you mean to me, if I say the words." 

They swallowed, clutching at him tighter, sniffling, "I love you," they sobbed out, legs moving around him, even, needing him closer.

Caleb wound himself tighter around Mollymauk, and cried harder. He couldn't say it, he couldn't.

He wanted to.

Molly's every instinct was telling them that this was a bad idea, that it'd only end in pain, that they shouldn't do it but their hands were on his cheeks and they were turning his face and their lips found his wet ones - they tasted salt and misery and longing there.

Caleb kissed back. Careful, slow, knowing it would hurt them both, but this was the only way he had to express it. He kissed Mollymauk like the confession it was: I love you, I want you.

Then he pulled back. "We shouldn't do more. This will hurt enough in the morning."

"It's going to hurt always," they breathed, kissing him again, climbing on his lap, pulling gently on his hair before touching his soaked shirt. "Make the pain worth it."

Caleb pulled the shirt off, despite himself. He bowed his head, pressed his forehead to Mollymauk's collarbones. "I don't think I can. It will hurt like dying. I'm not enough to make life worth it."

Caleb started like that for a breath, then tilted his face up. "You are. You make me wish that my heart didn't feel half-dead. You make me want to live." He kissed Molly again, as the tears still flowed done his face. "But I can't yet, I can't really do this yet. Mollymauk, the morning will feel like dying; don't make me kill you." 

They sniffled, nodding, heart breaking as Caleb slowly pulled away. They pressed a hand to their eyes, wondering why he couldn't just love. Why he couldn't do any of this. Why he couldn't just let go of the things that had no solution.

Caleb sighed, relieved that Mollymauk send to be taking his word tonight, then guided them both to the combined bedrolls. He hissed at the dampness on his own, but this... This is what they had. This is what he could give for now: no words, two kisses, and he'd remember this always and be there the morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter opens on Caleb teaching Mollymauk to read poetry, and after Mollymauk works through the entire piece, Caleb recites it, then suggests they see if Gustav would be willing to through a celebration. 
> 
> Much fun is had, including goofing off with Toya and, eventually, Caleb and Mollymauk sharing a dance. After they go to bed, Mollymauk accidentally discovers masturbation and ends up cumming on Caleb. Caleb wakes up alarmed, and ends up bringing Molly to Gustav in hopes that Gustav could explain Consent and Sex in general better than Caleb is prepared to.
> 
> Meanwhile, Caleb cleans up the mess made of his clothes and returns to an empty tent. upon realizing that he is indeed alone in the tent, he ends up masturbating himself, thinking of Mollymauk. 
> 
> Later that evening, further discussions between them result in an Argument and Molly telling Caleb to leave, and he does in a daze without taking anything, he returns again, and they have a heart-to-heart, including Caleb realizing that he wants to return to Molly. Caleb insists on turning down sex while he's uncertain of his own feelings, and they fall asleep


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are looking up for Caleb and Molly as they finally talk about how they feel. Caleb's worst fears are assuaged, and they go on a date. If only a figure from Molly's past didn't make an appearance...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey folks! We're running low on buffer chapters and this first Arc is finished with this chapter, so we've agreed to go on hiatus until we've got a buffer again! We figured this was better then switching to post as we go!

Caleb woke up. Mollymauk had slid off him in the night, so he eased away. Miraculously, he didn't wake them up. He smiled and brushed back Mollymauk's hair. "Gods, I want to love you."

And he did, he wanted to, but his mind was full of pitfalls and snares. It would strangle the life from them both, as it was now.

Caleb frowned at the thought and got dressed. The rain has stopped, so he didn't put on a coat before leaving the tent. He'd make them breakfast, Mollymauk's favorites of scrambled eggs and bacon, and there might be a skin of that juice they liked so much.

He finished cooking and balanced two plates and the skin in his arms as he made his way back. Surprisingly, Mollymauk was still asleep when he entered. Caleb smiled and set things down, then on impulse kissed Mollymauk's cheek to wake them. "Mollymauk, I brought food."

They blinked, stretching into wakefulness, eyes tired as they turned to look at Caleb, sleepy enough to give him a genuine smile when they saw him.

Caleb's heart gave a warm flutter at that smile, and he returned it with one of his own, more genuine than he'd ever given before. "I brought us food, your favorites."

They sat up, rubbing their eyes tiredly before looking down and letting out a noise of happiness, quickly scarfing down the bacon before anything else, making Caleb laugh.

He sat back and started on his own plate, eating the eggs first, so that when Mollymauk started giving longing looks to his bacon he could give them a piece. 

The two ate without words, until the end, when Caleb sighed. "I want to tell you how much I care for you, to use the words you want to hear."

They paused, surprised eyes moving to his, their food still in their mouth as they struggled to speak. 

Caleb swallowed; he should let Mollymauk speak. Give them the time to eat their food. Instead, he opened his mouth and let weird flow out, "I'm afraid that I would hurt you worse than I have yet if I do. Because you might think that expressing those feelings means I'm not a sack of broken glass inside." Caleb laughed, bitter at his own mind. "I've learned to do things in a way that encourages cutting myself off from people, pushing them away. I've only just started learning how to care again, and regardless of what I say my feelings are, I will make mistakes and hurt you. That is, that is the risk we face." 

"You don't break - people don't break," they frowned. "Things break. And if you can't fix them, you move on. You are so thinking all the time about your past that you don't know how to live your present. I have no memories - am I broken? No. Because I don't have to be fixed, because I'm not a thing. I'm a person."

Caleb breathed in deep and forced himself to hold it until the urge to yell passed. He let it out slowly, then took another, and held it until he wouldn't tell Mollymauk that some people would think they were broken, then he let that one out as well. He took in one more, and let his mind churn through words to weed out the metaphors he so often used. "Ja. Okay. Fine. A person can't be broken. But they can be taught. They can be taught to see people they loved, who were their entire world for sixty times longer than you can remember, as enemies to be slaughtered like a chicken. They can be taught that. I know this because I was taught it. I did it. And I was taught to forget, in some ways, how to care and be careful. This isn't...Mollymauk, this isn't about my past, is about how I am now, uncertain and scared, and not knowing if I can do this. I need to learn how to be better, and I'm asking you to see this, and see me, even the things you don't want to be there."

"I want you," they whispered, truthful and honest and meek as their eyes turned to their lap, pushing the plate away, no longer hungry. "I only want you, Caleb."

Caleb closed his eyes. Despair clawed at his throat. That wasn't what he asked! It wasn't! Mollymauk was upset, and he didn't know how to get past their emotions and get what they both needed from this conversation!

 

All Caleb could do was try.

"Entlein, mein Entlein, I have a request for you. Please, please take all day and all night to consider how you see me. Tell me tomorrow. As many words as you need. I need to know this, I need to know that you understand me. We don't have to see me the same way. You can't see me as poorly as I see myself, I know this, but I need to know more than you wanting me. Tell me tomorrow morning, ja?"

"I see you - no, no, listen," Molly grasped his hands as he tried to speak. "I see good. I see sad. I see angry and - and stupid but not book stuff. I see you and my chest fills with feelings like hot and pain but also happy and dancing. I want you because you make I happy - make me happy, sorry."

Caleb smiled as relief made him blink so he wouldn't cry. Tension melted from him, and then he lifted their joined hands to kiss Mollymauk's knuckles and press them to his forehead. "That is a better start than I hoped for. I don't want to rush you though, I want to give you time, so you can plan your words, and so I don't misunderstand you. I'll still be here tomorrow morning, I promise. Or tonight, if you have them ready then." I love you, he wanted to add, but didn't yet, couldn't yet.

"Don't misunderstand," they said firmly, their other hand moving to Caleb's free one, eyes earnest as they leaned down and kissed his nose, nuzzling the side of his face.

Caleb seemed to finally understand that they were not going anywhere, that what they felt was real and they were willing to fight for it. So with a small smile, they slid fully on his lap and hugged him, kissing his cheek, his temple, his chin. Caleb slid his arms around Mollymauk as they slid into his lap and just...melted into the peace of this moment, living it as best he could. He returned Mollymauk's kisses whenever he could, then captured their lips with his own. He kissed lazily, not wanting to stir passions and potentially get interrupted as the others woke up. He gave them slow, dragging kisses, despite how he had to tilt his head up, despite the ache in his neck. Because simply being with Mollymauk, and trusting that they knew what they were getting into by loving him, that was enough. It was enough. 

Mollymauk blushed softly as he kissed them, their hands clutching at his shoulders as he laid kiss after kiss on their delicate lips.

When Caleb finally pulled away, Molly's mind was hazy and they leaned into him, chasing his mouth with a soft, stuttering breath, eyes finally opening.

"I like your kisses," they murmured.

"Ja, I like yours too," Caleb replied, his voice soft and husky, his accent thicker than before. He pressed one last one to the underside of Molly's jaw, then settled back a bit more.

"Do we want to see if Gustav will let us out into town to advertise? We can spread some flyers around, eat a good meal, find out if there's a bathhouse with private rooms, maybe? Spend some time together, just the two of us."

They nodded eagerly, clutching tighter at him, pulling him close so that their forehead was pressed to his before stuttering out, "A-are you my boyfriend?" The wording was meek and shy.

Caleb blushed. "I don't know where you learned that word, but ja, ja I'd like to be your boyfriend. What would you like me to call you? Are you my boyfriend? My Lover? My Partner? Or do - do you want to be a girlfriend?"

"Girlfriend?" They cocked their head, frowning before looking down between their legs. "I can't be a girlfriend, right? They or he, right? That's my choose."

"Who told you that? If you're a girl, you're a girl, and I'm sorry if I gave you that feeling. Your choice is to be who you are."

Their eyes widened at that, hands moving everywhere before settling on Caleb's shoulders, "Yes?!?! Really?!?!" Their eyes were alive, ass bouncing on the floor of the tent as a lovely laugh of surprise and delight left their lips, a giggle. "Girlfriend! I want to be pretty! I want to be pretty!"

Caleb smiled at Mollymauk's delight. "Ja, Okay, my girlfriend, then. Meine Freundin, why don't you get even prettier than you are, and I will check with Gustav that we can go out, hmm?" He leaned in, kissing Molly's nose then pecking her lips before standing and offering his hand.

"Okay!" they nodded, taking his hand and letting him pull them up, their lips finding his cheek again before moving to get another one of the dresses Ornna had gotten them.

Caleb nodded, swung his wizard robe onto his shoulders, then headed out to find Gustav, smiling the entire time. The exchange was quick, Caleb acquired flyers and Gustav's approval and then headed back to pick up Molly, who, hopefully, was ready.

They were - bouncing on their heels, wearing their dress over their colorful, usual pants. The dress was obnoxious, probably, bright colors of blue and red and gold but Molly was in love with it and they grinned at Caleb as he approached, tail moving in quick flicks.

And Caleb, Caleb took a moment to admire them, their broad grin, their body language, the way they glowed with happiness. If he could make Mollymauk smile like this every day then surely he could make himself a better man for them. Then he stepped forward and pulled Molly into his arms. "You're gorgeous. Meine Freudin, you're so beautiful." Caleb kissed them and pulled back slightly. "We've been approved to head out. Ready?"

"Yes! Let's go!" They looped their arm around his and smiled as Caleb guided them out of the circus, Toya pausing and freezing as she saw them lean over and peck his lips before hollering loudly.

"I KNEW IT!" she called, standing on top of Kylre. "YOU GO MOLLY!"

Caleb ducked his head after receiving Molly's kiss and hurried the two of them to town. Most of the morning, they went from shop to shop to inn to a different shop, leaving flyers and occasionally buying things to sweeten the owners towards telling customers about the circus.

Soon, though, it was noon, and they headed to one of the inns to eat.

"Chicken?" They asked him, eyes big. "With honey! I love honey. Honey is Zemni, right?"

They were speaking a mile per minute, as always, but often they'd pause to check for a word or to know if they were right or wrong, watching Caleb with a smile.

"Honig, would be Zemnian for honey, but ja, if it's being served you can have it." Caleb offered corrections and confirmations softly as they ordered, and started eating. He was enjoying the meal, the atmosphere, and then he heard something alarming.

"That fucking carnie tiefling looks like Lucien."

"If it is, we'd need to get him alone to check. I certainly don't want to waste the effort, Allhain, and we aren't supposed to be meeting up, regardless."

"It'd be an effort for you, but I shouldn't have any trouble. With it, but have it your way. We'll pay and split." 

The conversation itself might have been easy to dismiss if Caleb hadn't located who was taking in a mirror, and the right individual, Allhain, was eyeing Mollymauk and fingering a knife. Caleb didn't like the look, in the man's eye. He liked even less that it was directed to Mollymauk. He shivered, then leaned into them and said, softly so it wouldn't carry, "I might be wrong, but the two behind me might recognize your face. From before you were yourself." 

Mollymauk froze, eyes wide, dropping their fork and starting to shake. They looked terrified at the thought, eyes going around, already panicking.

"Shh, shhhh, it is all right, my love. We will avoid them, they are leaving, ja?" Caleb kissed their forehead to comfort and to hide their expression. "If you can pretend it doesn't matter, we should be fine."

"Pretend. Right," they breathed, hand clutching his before looking back at their food, no longer hungry.

Caleb kissed their cheek, and again closer to their mouth as he tickled them with a free hand. This would be natural, Molly giggling, telling him to stop, maybe kissing him for real after.

He could hear Allhain make a disgusted noise behind him and drop coins on the table. With a flick of Caleb's eyes, he confirmed the man was leaving. 

Mollymauk relaxed as Caleb distracted them, head dropping on his shoulder, fingers finding his over the table as they closed their eyes.

Their past... it wasn't something they'd thought about a lot but now they question it. Had they been a good person? Had they been cruel to others, maybe done things someone hadn't liked? Why had they been buried in an unnamed grave, unmarked, and their memories were gone?

They - they didn't want to know, they realized. They looked at Caleb, saw how his past tortured him and made him feel and...Molly didn't want to know. Whomever they'd been before being buried, they were gone. Now they were Mollymauk Tealeaf. No one else.

Caleb kept it up several minutes after Molly has relaxed, then eased back into his seat. He stroked their cheek, then spoke, "I take it you want nothing to do with them, ja?"

"Nothing," they murmured, nodding. "I'm Mollymauk. No one else. Can we go back?"

Caleb nodded. "Ja, if it will make you feel better. And if they try to speak to you at the circus, I will run them off for you."

They smiled, nodding, taking his hand and following Caleb out of the tavern, plastering their body to his side, his arm around their waist.

Caleb held them in turn and kept alert. Thankfully they hadn't been followed, at least to his eyes, but he had no plans of dropping his guard until they were well away from here. With all the advertising they'd done, it was entirely possible the problem people would show up. As they approached, Caleb kissed Molly's cheek again. "Meine Freudin, should I give a description to Gustav? So the others know who to keep away from you?

"Yes, please," they nodded against his neck, sighing. "But - late? I want cuddles. And kisses. Tent and sleeping." They flushed as they asked for it, their heart beating fast at the thought of laying with Caleb and getting those sweet kisses.

Caleb chewed his thumb. "I want to tell him and the others before too many people start showing up." He hummed, then pulled Molly close. "You get two hours with me, and then I have to tell them, ja?"

"Ja, ja," they nodded with a sigh, nuzzling against him, smiling as he pulled them closer.

"Mmh, tent. Come on." Caleb pressed a kiss to Mollymauk's thrust, then pulled them to their tent. "I’d rather avoid everyone's commentary for now."

"Me too," they gripped the front of his shirt and pulled him deeper into the tent, lips brushing his. "Everyone but you."

Mollymauk kissed him, eyes falling shut, arms moving around his neck as they lost themselves in their favorite person.

Caleb followed, getting just as lost in Mollymauk. Unlike this morning though, he could not be lazy. Concern buzzed between his ears and urged him into more heated kisses, holding tighter. He wanted more, in general, but restrained himself to holding and kissing, even if the kissing drifted to Molly's neck and verged into sucking and nibbling.

Molly breathed out a soft sound of pleasure, knees buckling until Caleb lowered them to the bedroll and quickly, they pulled him on top of them, bringing his lips back to theirs, enjoying the passion behind his every move. 

Caleb groaned into Molly's mouth, as his hands found their waist and held it, his thumbs rubbing circles through the fabric of their dress. It wasn't enough. "I want to feel you, Mollymauk. Do you want to feel me?" 

They nodded, eager and hopeful, eyes lidded with lust and hips moving, their entire body squirming as Caleb's weight settled on them. "Ja," they nodded, breathy and soft. "Want more. Want - want sex."

Caleb hissed out a breath. "Ja, I'm not sure I have time to show you everything, but I will do what we can." He smiled at them and started inching Molly's dress up. He kissed them again, and wanting, and locked Molly's lips just as he could slide a hand under the dress to feel Molly through their leggings. He found their growing hardness and stroked along it.

He shifted, then sat up and back, peeling off his coat. "Take your dress off, Mollymauk." He fixed his eyes on theirs, darkened blues meeting lidded red as his hands started on his own clothes. 

Molly eagerly took it off, kicking their pants off their body as well, eyes wide as Caleb worked on his own clothes. All that lovely skin, the flush of his cheeks going down to his oh, so hairy chest...

"Ah," they moaned as their bare bodies slid together.

Caleb pulled them close, kissed their lips softly, then their neck. "Mollymauk," he whispered their name like a prayer. He lifted off them slightly, to explore with one hand every plane and dip of Molly's body, every shifting curve and muscle. And his mouth? His mouth explored as well, lips and teeth and tongue, Caleb slowly worked his way down Molly's body to find every spot that pleased them, and what they liked best between his hand and mouth.

Caleb kissed their hip bones, then nibbled on them before putting himself up a bit more. "Mmh, Mollymauk, do you remember that first time we bathed in a steam?" Caleb's eyes find with affection and mischief.

Mollymauk nodded. "Ja, ja."

Caleb smiled, and slid his palm up the inside of their thigh, high, sliding close to their cock. "Even then, you were doing this to me."

They gasped, knees rising up to his shoulders and they blushed as he placed them fully around his head.

"Caleb," they whined, eyes wide, face and chest flushed and tongue running over their lip.

Caleb smiled at them, kissed their thigh, then the head of their cock. He followed his lips with his tongue, licking in the same spot. He worked his mouth, wrapped a hand around Molly's base, then opened up and took the first few inches of Molly's cock into his mouth. He moaned. The feel of them was perfect and not quite human. He took his time exploring with his tongue simply for his own pleasure.

Mollymauk let out a breathless gasp, eyes widening as he swallowed their cock, hands rushing to grip the bedroll tightly. "Oh, oh! Ahhhh! Ah, hah, hahhhh!" They sobbed into their hands, pressing their hands to their own mouth. "Caleb!"

Caleb hummed, questioningly, then lifted up again, this time to add, "You can come in my mouth, please do." 

Then he was on them again, sinking into the feel of silky weight in his mouth, the fascinating shape against his lips and tongue, and the wonderful noises Mollymauk made.

He felt the tail tighten on his wrist, then rolled his hand to capture the tail in turn and explore it with his fingers, slowly guiding them to where tail met spine.

Mollymauk had never felt anything this before, eyes going wide and body going taut, back arched, mouth agape as their stomach bubbled with orgasm like molten lava as before -

The tiefling cried out so loudly that even they were embarrassed, tail in knots, eyes falling shut.

Caleb swallowed, not just the first spurt of cum, but the second as well. He stayed there, mouth on Molly's softening cock, then slowly eased off and licked his lips. "Mollymauk?"

They were panting hard, hands covering their face as their body twitched with the aftershocks of pleasure, eyes rolling back as he pulled off them. "C-Caleb," they stuttered, tail lazily moving to stroke his cheek as they blushed. "S-so g-good...." Their heart was beating a mile per minute, lungs almost collapsing with the need to breathe but they felt so fucking good. And Caleb looked so good, too, hair wild, eyes dark, cheeks flushed. They wanted to make him feel just as good. 

Caleb smiled and kissed Molly's stomach, then crawled up and laid beside them to kiss their lips.

They kissed him back feverishly, hands pulling at his hair, then ran their hands down his chest, finding his cock, moaning as the palms of their hands found the velvety, hot, hard texture of it, immediately starting to stroke him.

Caleb moaned, then hissed a moment later, a hand reaching down to Molly's wrist. "Mollymauk, Liebling I'm not sure we have time."

"Please," they rasped, eyes dark, a longing in their voice unmatched by anyone else before, tongue running through the head of his cock. "Teach me - bitte?" They sat between his legs now, stroking him, saliva making their lips shine as they ran their free hand through their chest and played with one of their nipples, moaning softly. 

Caleb's head fell back, hitting the ground with a solid thunk. "Ja, okay. With, with your hand or your mouth, liebling?"

"Both?" They suggested before instinctively covering their sharp teeth with their lips and swallowing him down whole, no gag reflex kicking in, happy that whomever they'd been before had apparently sucked dick as well.

Caleb was about to speak, and explain, but Mollymauk seemed to be ahead of him. Caleb's lungs froze, he couldn't budge the air or speak, so he could only fumble his hand into Molly's hair.

They hummed, eyes rolling back at the taste of Caleb's salty precum, their hand moving to the base of his cock.

It took them a bit to get the rhythm of it all, guided by the noises Caleb made, but after a few minutes, they were bobbing their head quick, one hand running through the thick hair of his inner thigh while the other one pumped the base.

Caleb could barely get his breath back from the initial surprise, but soon he was panting heavily, the faintest whine escaping. But he didn't let go of Molly's hair. 

How? How was his tiefling this good? Caleb was certain he was going to die from the pleasure and how it constricted his lungs. His head swam, faint, and he realized how close he was. "Mollym- Molly I'm going to-"

They whined and nodded, bobbing their head faster, one hand moving to his chest to scratch it gently as they moved their cock to the back of their throat and swallowed. They wanted his pleasure, his voice, his everything. They wanted to hear him scream and to make him happy.

Caleb didn't have enough breath to scream as he came, only a sharp whine escaped his mouth, but there was no question from Molly's end that he'd cum as he flooded their throat. Caleb melted into the floor, muscles finally relaxing enough to breathe. He panted, then spoke, "Ja, I don't think you need to be taught."

They slurped on his cock, cum running down their chin, their hand moving to wipe it off and lick it, catching Caleb's eyes just as they swallowed his load. Molly's tail flicked happily and they grinned, sitting atop his thighs. "Yum!" They grinned.

Caleb groaned and closed his eyes. He had to be dead. Surely, there was no other explanation. He held out a hand and beckoned Mollymauk to lay in his arms.

They happily did so, satisfaction coursing through their veins as Caleb held them so tenderly, rubbing their cheek against his chest and grinning. "I'm happy," they told him, smiling widely, hand running through his thick hair. "with you."

"You mean... The world, nein, everything to me. You are worth giving up my past for." Caleb kissed their forehead blindly. Past. "Scheisse!" His eyes snapped open. "It's, more than two hours, I need to warn the others still."

"Oh, okay," they hummed, rolling away from him and curling up, hugging the blankets to their chest, smiling with satisfaction.

Caleb followed Molly so that he could kiss their cheek, then stood and got dressed as fast as he could. He was out of the tent in nearly any time, but he could tell he was somewhat late. Fuck his fool heart for letting Molly suck him - even if he didn't regret it. Gustav and the others were doing the parade through town to get attention.

He swallowed and sent out dancing lights along the path to greet them with. And, after some thought, he cast a disguise on himself to look older, not wanting to take his eyes away from the town.

Ten minutes, it was ten minutes before Gustav came up to him, "I thought you would still be with Molly, what's wrong?"

"We had a near encounter with a person, well, two, who indicated that Molly looked familiar. Mollymauk doesn't want to speak with them or be left alone.” Caleb described the rough character of Allhain, and the unknown other one.

"Alright," Gustav nodded, hand moving to Caleb's shoulder when he sniffed and frowned. "Why'd you smell like -"

"Widogast!" Ornna's shriek echoed through the night, the woman rushing to him, eyes wild and, as soon as she reached him, her hand went to the front of his shirt. "Am I hearing this right?! The twins heard something in your tent! What did you do?!"

Caleb's eyes went wide, and he searched through his pockets - he knew he had mint or cloves somewhere - he found a leaf, still fresh, and stuck it in his mouth to chew furiously. He held up a finger, swallowed the leaf, then answered, "I... I've decided to stay, for Molly. I lo-" He cut himself off and swore. "The one I'm worried about is here." His eyes darted to Gustav, then the people behind him and Ornna, then to Ornna, who needed more of an explanation, likely. "Ornna, I mean to stay, and Mollymauk is fine, though possibly asleep - they uh, they did get a bit loud, there." He coughed into his hand, blushed, then waved his hand as his eyes tracked back to Allhain. "Gustav, can you take over? I want to warn Molly."

"Look, go tell them to stay in their tent if they want, but we'll need you for the performance."

"Ja, Of course. If he's a nuisance...I have an idea to convince him there's nothing worth checking out -"

"If you have a plan, better do it now," Gustav interrupted him, eyes hard as he looked over his shoulder at the suspicious man approaching nonchalantly. "Because he's walking over -"

"Hey, you circus people," the man spoke, moving between them, eyes narrowed. "You don't happen to have a purple tiefling named Non - I mean, Lucien?" 

Fear tightened his chest, there was no reason for the intensity of it, he didn't actually know if Allhain's so obvious devotion was actually dangerous, but he could use that. He let the fear tighten his voice, and a wheeze to it that made him sound older. "Lucien? Nein. Molly is a lavender, however? Perhaps you saw her? My son -" Caleb coughed, "My son had plans to take her out today. Propose, you know! She's been with us for a year, und it's about time my boy started thinking of marrying her."

He spoke the words before the thought had occurred to him, but a giddy delight at the thought of marrying Molly, eventually, Lent him a grin to sell his happiness over his lie. 

Allhain frowned at Caleb, narrowing his eyes as he leaned back slightly, "Yeah," he murmured, distrust in his voice. "He looks a lot like you. Human, right? With the purple tiefling - a she. She. Right, right."

He looked a bit crushed by that, actually, eyes turning sad and desperate, shoving his hands into his pockets before kicking a rock away.

"Didn't know why I - he's dead," he laughed mirthlessly, sniffling, rubbing his nose hard. "Sorry. I'll get going."

Caleb felt a flicker of pity at that and dropped his shoulders. "My condolences, then." Gustav nodded beside him, and slowly Allhain started to walk away.

Caleb held his breath. He'd have to perform looking younger, perhaps. So the change from his wheezy old man voice to the stronger one he used when performing wouldn't be as marked it obvious. If Allhain had any suspicion of the lie... Caleb didn't want to know what would result. He didn't. But he'd watch for any signs of it.

"Well, that's taken care of," Gustav murmured, sighing, his hand slapping Caleb's shoulder. "Now, why don't you go check on them?"

"Ja, okay." Caleb nodded, then dropped back into the shadows and made his way to Molly. He looked around still, paranoid now.

There was no sign of Allhain at all, and Caleb breathed easier as he walked into the tent and found Molly lounging on his bedroll, stretching like a cat on their stomach, tail up and straight.

"Caleb!" They smiled, turning on their back, still naked as they opened their arms to him before frowning. "What happen?! You're old!"

Caleb held a finger to his lips, "You've seen me like this before, though usually, I use makeup. He showed up, asked after a purple tiefling named Lucien - I said some things, made it sound like you've been traveling with us for longer. Used the fact that you wore a dress and asked to be my girlfriend to contrast that the man use 'he' for this Lucien... Ja, I think he believed it, but be safe." Caleb leaned in and kissed Mollymauk's horn as he dropped his disguise. "I should use the makeup ..."

"Don't tell me more," they murmured as he spoke of Lucien's name, their stomach rising to their throat. "I don't like it. I don't want it. Don't give me a past. My past is nothing. I'm just Molly. No Lucien." They swallowed, eyes begging Caleb, "I don't want my past to guide me or hold me back."

"Molly..." Caleb nodded, solemn. "Ja, I won't try to change that for you. That other tiefling is not you. He died. You are much better, anyway."

They nodded, arms moving around his neck before pulling him down a sweet kiss.

Caleb returned it, kept it soft and slow, then eased back. "Molly, meine Liebling, I still need to perform tonight. You can stay here, or come to the big tent, if you want company, but I ask that if you leave here, you stay with one of our friends, ja?"

He stepped back, then stopped. "Ah, one more thing." He searched his pockets, wishing he had a fan trying, but finding some copper wire. He twisted it into a wreath of sorts, then took Molly's left hand and tested its size on the correct finger. "Ja, that will work," he mumbled, as he pulled it off then used a flicker of flame to weld it closed. "Wear this, for me?" 

They blinked at it, watching it curiously. "Oh, yeah! Okay!"

They smiled at it - it was pretty because it was Caleb's and they were happy to wear it, lips finding Caleb's one last time before they gently pulled away.

Caleb smiled, then went to the spot where a small mirror and his usual streak-giving makeup was. He frowned at it, for just a moment, then started applying it in his hair. He let it be messier than usual, just in case Allhain was still lingering - he shouldn't be, it wouldn't make sense - but Caleb planned to look like "the son" trying to look a little more like "his father,” just in case.

He couldn't shake the feeling something might go wrong. He rinsed off his hands and went back to Molly, kissing their forehead quickly. "I must go now." He shifted his weight, uncertain about the next words, but feeling them on his tongue. "I love you." 

Molly's eyes snapped to his, wide and surprised and for a moment, there was quiet. Then their eyes watered and their hands moving to his face, pulling him down for the most tender kiss - slow and yet needy at the same time, stroking his cheekbones as they laughed against his lips. "I love you, too," they smiled.

Caleb smiled back. "I wish I could stay. I want to - I want to make love to you. But I have to perform, Gustav said. I will be back." He stepped away, then left their shared tent and hurried to the large one. He needed to be there, he wasn't going to let Gustav or the circus down.

Twenty feet from the tent, an arm wrapped around his shoulders, and a dagger settled against his throat. "Caleb? Was it? That was Lucien's voice, calling you that. What did you do to him?"

Caleb shook his head, "I told you, there's only Molly here."

Allhain drew the knife across Caleb's skin, not cutting deep enough to do more than mark him. "Don't give me that, I'll have to get it out of you somehow."

"There is no Lucien here." Caleb blinked, the carnival lights swayed in front of his eyes. What- he blinked again, shower, as his vision darkened. "Nein! NEIN!" Panic gripped him, and then, he was out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey folks! We're running low on buffer chapters and this first Arc is finished with this chapter, so we've agreed to go on hiatus until we've got a buffer again! We figured this was better then switching to post as we go!
> 
> Sorry not sorry for the cliffhanger!


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